Feeling confused

[Minimrs]

The other night I couldn’t sleep and sat up most the night crying because I have depression through everything that has happened. My husband came to see what was wrong with me and I became hysterical. He held me by my arms to try and calm me down but I didn’t feel him holding me at all. The day after I had bruises on the tops of my arms and he told me he thinks he did it to me. What am I supposed to make of that ? Was is just an accident when he was helping me ? My head is so messed up we are really trying to work things out and talking more openly which is why he told me.

[KIP.]

There is no working it out with an abuser. He put his hands on you and you ended up bruised. You’re feeling confused and depressed because your in a toxic abusive relationship. When he came near you, you became hysterical. Don’t believe a word he says x

[diymum@1]

mm the thing is you cant rationalise or get into his head. the way abusive men think is confused in itself – up side down a projection. he dosent think clearly and your trying to work him out. i spent along time trying to fathom it out. the only way to see this for what it is is to learn about how it works. he held you tighter than he should have when you were hysterical – now if i or you were comforting someone we wouldnt make them feel more pain you can be firm but gentle. they push the boundaries. you wont be able to break free mentally by trying to reason and sort things out xx honest i promise you i tried for so many years and it dosent stop and it dosent change. i hope this dosent sound harsh but that confusion is fog and lots of fear. no wonder – these men traumatise us and its hard to think straight. i wanted to reach out because id hate to see you waste so much time on him like i did. i so regret trying so hard for so long xx

[diymum@1]

i wanted to say to with trial and error and i hate to say punishment we do eventually give up trying but it took this to happen over and over for a good part of my adult life. which is a life we should be living free from abuse xx

[Minimrs]

I don’t think he did it on purpose I think he was trying to help me. Otherwise why would he tell me that he thinks he did it.

[Anonymous]

He doesn’t have to hold you so hard that it left you with bruises, there’s alternative ways of helping without him having to put his hands on you. Iv learnt there is never a way to work things out with an abuser I tried for such a long time, making excuses, justifying behaviours, trying to make things better and work things out but abusers never change. I hope your okay after getting so upset x

[KIP.]

You’re defending his behaviour. He put his hands on you and left you bruised, whether he admits it or not, it’s wrong x he’s messing with your head. No wonder you are depressed.

[Author]

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