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    • #131991
      Nonamenoname
      Participant

      I went to spend (detail removed by moderator) with my male best best friend. We went out for dinner and drinks and got pretty drunk together. I completely trust him and we always sleep in the same bed when we stay at each other’s houses if there is no spare bed. I fell asleep (detail removed by moderator) when we got back. When I have been drinking I fall in a really deep sleep and it’s pretty difficult to wake me up. When I did wake up my vagina was in a lot of pain and I asked my friend why. He said whilst I was asleep (detail removed by moderator) my body was responding positively to this he then had sex with me. I don’t remember any of this. The type of pain I was in felt like it had been quite rough sex.

      I’m really confused as I know I wasn’t awake but I do believe him that I was physically responding to him in the state that I was in. We used to sleep together occasionally about (detail removed by moderator) but we haven’t since and I have a boyfriend (although I am having problems with him which perhaps spurred my friend on to think it was acceptable). He kind of acknowledged what he had done when he realised I hadn’t been conscious throughout any of it and felt really bad but kind of laughed it off.

      I feel really weird. He’s my best mate and it’s almost like if we properly address this then it’s the end of our friendship. I also can’t tell anyone about it as I don’t want my friends/family hating him and I don’t want my boyfriend to know.

    • #131992
      KIP.
      Participant

      He’s not your best mate. Best mates do not sexually assault their friends. I’d go straight to your GP or accident and emergency and get checked out. If you’re in pain then you need to get yourself checked out and I’d also get an STI test. What he did is illegal. Ring the rape crisis helpline for support. You did not consent to this. It sounds like a rape to me. You cannot consent to sexual activity when you’re not even conscious.

      • #132052
        Nonamenoname
        Participant

        Thank you for your reply, I really appreciate it. As it sinks in I see you are very right x

      • #132063
        KIP.
        Participant

        Be kind to yourself, you’ve been through an awful time and it’s beyond devastating to be abused by someone you trust. Shame on him x

      • #132322
        Auriel
        Participant

        A mate doesn’t do this ( it was unconsented) I can understand how you can get confused as past so called male friends have had sex with me when I’ve been too drunk too be able to consent and blamed myself for the alcohol I’d drunk but your body and your mind just knows it was wrong and I feel this is the case for you or you wouldn’t be on here. it all caught up with me years later I stopped wearing makeup cut all my hair off put on weight with intent and stopped wearing skirts, you sound so innocent and so lovely just as I was, please cut this man completely out of your life, never have contact with him again and also people that may connect you to him and get some counselling as soon as, and if you feel like you can handle it or are are brave enough speak to the police, they have trained officers who will help you 💜💝💝

    • #131993
      iliketea
      Participant

      Its really hard to hear I understand, but KIP is right, he’s not your best mate. He raped you whilst you were unconscious. Dig deep, think of him doing that to a friend of yours, how would you feel if you knew? Or you sister. Or your daughter. Friendships move on, friendships change, people change. Maybe its time to rethink this one? xx

      • #132053
        Nonamenoname
        Participant

        Thank you for your reply. Agreed perhaps not the friendship I once thought x

      • #132057
        iliketea
        Participant

        Hey, just to say I hope I didn’t sound harsh. I have experienced similar with a similar type of friend. Even though we were like that years and years ago, we’re not now, and haven’t been for years, but he dared to try and touch me up recently when his wife was there but not looking – it was horrible. I was SO shocked, and have decided the friendship belongs to the past, that I’ve moved on, and I’m not the person he thinks I am, probably never was. Its their problem, not ours, not yours. Dig deep on this one, it depends where you feel the line is. But it does sound as if you are shocked, confused and hurt. Your gut will tell you what you should do, listen to it. We’re all here for support. Reach out, there are so many women with so much experience and good advice on here. Sending you strength. xx

      • #132067
        Nonamenoname
        Participant

        You don’t sound harsh. I needed to hear it as my main thought has been how it is going to affect him as he’s been suicidal in the past and blocking out what’s been done to me. I need to think about me and not him right now. I’m really sorry you have been through something similar. Literally F*** them x

    • #132000
      TiaMaria
      Participant

      I feel so sad reading this, and also rage.

      This guy is not your friend. He is your rapist.

      Do NOT stay silent in order to protect him. This is absolutely something you need support for, so share it with the people you would normally share this stuff with – do what is best for YOU – as well as seeking professional support. This is NOT something a regular person would do, let alone someone who has love for you. This is categorically rape.

      I am so sorry this has happened to you. I personally would report this to the police, but this is probably going to take time for this to sink in that you have been raped, let alone reporting it. However, I am in the middle of a similar situation in which a friend greatly betrayed me and sexually assaulted me and I have reported this to the police (detail removed by moderator), so if you ever decide to report or even just want to talk about it, I’m always here.

    • #132039
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Nonamenoname

      You did the right thing by reaching out for support on the forum. I can see you have had some really supportive replies and good advice.

      I am sorry to hear about what happened, you can’t give consent when you are asleep or drunk so this is rape. It’s not your fault and you have done nothing wrong. There are sexual assault referral centres in most areas, you could go to get checked over and they can explore your options with you. It’s all confidential and they won’t force you into doing anything you don’t want to do. You can speak to Rape Crisis for details of the local service: https://rapecrisis.org.uk/

      It must be really difficult for you, especially as you are also having problems within your relationship with your boyfriend.

      If you feel like you are in need of some additional support, you could chat to a Women’s Aid worker in confidence via our Live Chat service (open 10am-6pm every day). They won’t tell you what to do, but can discuss your situation and signpost you to other support that’s relevant for you. You can access the chat
      service here: https://chat.womensaid.org.uk/

      Take care and keep posting,

      Lisa

    • #132293
      Camel
      Participant

      No one who cared for you would hurt you during sex and claim to not notice that you were unconscious. Saying you responded is just his way of creating confusion.

      Even if this man was your partner, what he did would be classed as rape. I know that’s blunt. You don’t have to report him but don’t minimise it. Tell him what he did was totally unacceptable. Don’t spend time alone with him again. Yes, it should be the end of your friendship.

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