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    • #73520
      Hopingforpeace
      Participant

      Does anyone feel different to the people around you, like Your friends and colleagues, do you feel like you don’t fit in because you’ve been through stuff that they haven’t and either don’t know you have or know some of it but don’t ever acknowledge it or ask how things are? I still have to have contact with my ex due to child contact so it’s partnof my life, something I have to manage but it’s like it doesn’t exist sometimes. I’m probably not explaining myself very well. I have some lovely friends but sometimes I’d really like to be able to talk to one of them but feel I can’t as it’s not something they want to talk about/they don’t understand what I’d want to. At the moment I’m struggling with some memories and find I’m trying to avoid friends, I don’t have the energy and don’t feel like engaging normal chit chat. I feel like I’m fighting my demons and I’m on my own. Sometimes it feels like those who do know think I should just be handling it as was years ok and I should be handling my ex and I should be fine. Majority of time I do and I’m fine but that’s not always the way. I’d love to be able to turn to a close friend right now but I don’t know who and I don’t know if they’d appreciate it. I did ask a close friend of mine months back If I could talk to her and she said why would I want to talk about this now , years later and what do I want her to do with it . I was thrown by that So I didn’t talk to her . I just wanted someone to talk to that was all and things going round and round my head and we’re all consuming. I understand people have boundaries though and that is fine. But felt like she was saying it was years ago so why are you struggling with it now, why do you want to talk about it now and not back then. So I’ve not asked another friend if I can talk to them as that hurt and I can’t face being rejected again. Plus I now feel like I’d been burdening that person and I don’t want to do that. But when I see friends I’m putting on a front and am not being true to myself really but then for years when your in an abusive relationship you don’t show your true self do you, your hiding what your life is really like and sometimes I feel like I’m doing that now.Hoping you ladies understand.

    • #73521
      EbonyRaven
      Participant

      Hi, I’m so sorry your friend said that. I’m sure they didn’t mean to come over so blunt or hurtful. People that haven’t been through it really don’t understand though. They can’t. People still think of DA as a ‘bit of argy bargy’, so they have absolutely no clue about the mind bending damage it can do.

      Are you able to call a local WA and see if they have or can recommend any counselling service you can access? It would be a non-judgmental ear willing to listen, and most importantly, who understands. Or maybe there’s a survivor’s group near you somewhere they could give you details of.

      Also, have you tried writing it down? A brain dump can really help.

      x

      • #73526
        Hopingforpeace
        Participant

        Hi EbonyRaven, thank you for your kind words. I don’t think my friend meant to hurt me but just made me feel like I should have got over it all by now. Cheesequeen, thank you, I think your right, without meaning to, she has really knocked my confidence. I’ve been out for years and In many ways I’m well on road to recovery but there’s one incident in particular that I know I’ve not dealt with and every so often something triggers me and I find it hard, really hard sometimes. I have strategies to deal with flashbacks but this one is more consuming than the others and they don’t always work as well. I have called helplines before and I’m due to start Rape counselling soon. I think that’s what’s making me worse at the moment as I know I’m going to have to face these flashbacks very soon. I need to but I don’t want to but then I also do want to so I can try and move forward.

    • #73522
      Cheesequeen
      Participant

      Hi. It’s horrible being inside your head and not knowing what people are thinking. What your friend said must have really knocked you confidence too.
      I don’t know your circumstances but abuse is frightening and painful and one of the reasons we put up with it is because we are programmed to play down our own feelings in case they burden someone else. If it’s what you feel, it’s real.
      I hope you get chance to open up soon xx

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