feeling dirty and betrayed

[iliketea]

Anyone had this? Got any advice. Don’t know what to do. Feel totally betrayed and let down. Feels like its one thing after another at the moment. As soon as I pick myself up HE manages to do something else, however small, that is a sign from him that he’s still manipulating me and can manipulate me and be in my life.

I just found out my ex has started seeing some friends of mine. He took the kids to see them recently. As far as I know this is the first time since I left. I feel really betrayed because they have been supportive of me, well they seemed to be, were saying there were, giving me advice. He recently started it all up again, can’t go into detail (detail removed by Moderator), and now he’s started seeing them.

I feel really upset and betrayed. Ive kept a few friends and been careful who I have in my life since I left. I can’t believe they’ve lied to me. Even if it was just the once, why the hell are they seeing him at all? If they believed me, why would they have him in their house? Why would people do that?
Feel like telling them to **** off. Meant to be seeing them (detail removed by Moderator). Don’t want to now. Never want to see them again. Feel dirty and betrayed. Hes managing to damage everything in my life. He just keeps on going. These men are toxic. He’s getting everything. Even the few remaining friends, as well as my house, my money, my reputation, my sanity.

[ladiesand gentlemen]

Stand you ground, he is not entitles to your house, maybe half in a divorce(however unlikely with children) same with the money, keep all your paperwork safely hidden, change logins, passwords whatever you have to do to protect yourself.
Do you have trusted family member of friend. I told my family after decades of abuse and I was surprised how much they had suspected and they were all there to help(even an email helps)
They will TRY to get everyone on their side, eventually they too, will see exactly what he’s like !!!
and the children will make up their own minds(when they are old enough)
He cannot take your reputation, that’s yours, keep your head held high(if you can) TRY to remove him and toxic friends from your mind.
You may find more peace this way, they will NEVER win with things that really matter.
If need be ? speak to your GP.they may be able to offer support, PLEASE protect your mental health, he is NOT worth losing it over !!!
All the ladies on here are right behind you x*x
Stay safe x*x

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[Eggshells]

Exactly the same thing happened to me. A friend who had been really supportive then decided to socialise with him. At the same time she was organising her social event with him, she messaged me hinting that she’d like to come and stay with me.

I made it clear, politely, that I wouldn’t be seeing her. She got the message and I haven’t heard from her since.

It felt like a real betrayal but now I just think that if she wants to knowingly socialise with a rapist and a child b****r, then she’s not someone I want to spend time with.

You don’t have to see them (detail removed by Moderator) if you don’t want to. You have the freedom to choose now. xx

[Weemebreeze]

Hi iliketea, I’m so sorry to hear this, I can really understand the hurt you feel. These men are so rotten – they’re like a poison weeding their way in to so many areas of your life. It is so hard to comprehend why people would want anything to do with him. real friends would show you the loyalty you deserve. Sending you a hug x

[Anonymous]

So sorry to hear you are feeling brought down by him today. I still feel the pain of friends who I trusted not caring about me when they previously knew how scared and vulnerable I was at the time. Especially when I had no family support and was effectively alone. I am no longer close friends with those people and only have a very few close confidants. I don’t know the details of the other parts of your life he has tried to take but I do understand the feeling that his bullying and manipulation wins every time with child matters and there is no escape from that. This is the thing that brought me to rock bottom recently. You will feel strong again just like you have picked yourself up before but today it’s understandable you feel this way. You won’t feel like this forever, you will feel better.

[Anonymous]

Iliketea abusers are prolific at mind games and triangulation( but you don’t need me to tell you that 😔) it’s just another way to try and keep you in the toxic loop, vulnerable, confused, isolated and paranoid, if they’re friends with him knowing what they know, they aren’t worth keeping, I had to throw away a lot to keep me on a sane, clear level but I’m a better person for it ( battle scars and war wounds sure)but I’d never regret walking away from the people 🦇 🐒 connected to it all, I hope this somehow helps focus on your core( solar plexus) it’s what helps me💛💜💛

[Bananaboat]

As Auriel said, it’s all part of their game. His image and what others think of him is more important to him than anything. Mine targeted a family member to befriend and use to try to convince me to stay. As hard as it is to give up friends especially at a time you are feeling vulnerable and could really use support, I think it sounds like you’re better off giving this particular friendship some distance, take back your control.

[iliketea]

So true. Thank you everyone. You know. Ahead of seeing them I sent a simple one liner “Didn’t know you were still in touch” and got an onslaught of abuse from one of them. Then I got more from the other saying they weren’t going to take sides as they liked both of us!! I’ve told them Im not available to be abused, and neither are my kids. Drawn the line. I feel quite glad its happened in a way. When I really examine it I always felt drained after seeing them, I’m getting more switched on to my body telling me things, and I realised they never asked me about me. So, good riddance to bad rubbish. Thank you, and sorry you all have been through it too. Abusers. What, do they get born with the same guidebook?! Its mad how similar they all are! Thank you for being here everyone of you lovely women. xx

[Anonymous]

ILiketea “I’m not available to be abused” needs to be printed on shirts soon as😁, that Response from your so called friend screams volumes to what they think/feel and feeling drained around someone is a sign of toxicity and emotional/pranic vampirism, I doubt there’d be any forum members who would mind you pming them and knowing you as a friend/person outside the forum would be a valuable addition to anyone’s life, you’ll be ok 💖💜🧡

[Eggshells]

Well done you. Bit by bit, you’re cutting the abusers out of your life.

I agree with Auriel; “I’m not available to be abused.” It’s a c*****r – and the best bit, I can tell you really feel it.

Wow! You’re just amazing!!! xx

[Eggshells]

Not sure why they’ve **** that out. I’ll see if this gets through the filter. The line should become a modern legend.

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