Feeling foolish

This topic contains 6 replies, has 3 voices, and was last updated by Profile photo of KIP. KIP. 4 months, 1 week ago.

  • Author
  • #62543
    Profile photo of Landy Landy 

    I got to (detail removed by moderator) as a strong, independent , professional woman. Now two years with an abusive alcoholic. I feel such a fool. I wouldn’t treat my worst enemy the way he treats me. I have no idea how to get out 🙁 We live in my house, he contributes nothing, but he won’t leave. He’s been arrested numerous times, but the police just let him go and he comes straight back here. I just want peace.

  • #62546
    Profile photo of KIP. KIP. 

    He has no rights if it’s your house. The police can remove him from your property. Change the locks and pack up his stuff. You can also get a non molestation order. Speak to Rights for Women. Ring them for free advice x

  • #62550
    Profile photo of Landy Landy 

    I know. His family has disowned him, so he has nowhere to go. I’d be making him homeless and I’m struggling with that.

  • #62552
    Profile photo of Poodlepower Poodlepower 

    Very similar to the situation I was in. My partner stopped working, gave up his flat and refused to apply for benefits. He made himself totally dependent on me, which meant that he would be homeless if we split.

    He was abusive both physically and verbally so I couldn’t stay with him. Yet he refused to find somewhere else to live, even with my help and support.

    In the end I had to report him for assault. The police arrested him and found him somewhere to live. He wasn’t homeless. He was given bail conditions not to come near me or my home again.

    I don’t think I could have got him out of my house without the help of the police.

  • #62560
    Profile photo of Landy Landy 

    That’s the position I’m in. He’s an unemployed alcoholic. He was in a rented place when we met. I had my own place. He wanted to move away, so we did. He’s never contributed financially and his drinking has taken me to the brink of financial ruin. Even knowing how bad things are, he’ll smash things up and leave taps running to spite me. At some point, he’ll be arrested again, I’m sure, and I’ll beg the police to not let him back here. He spent a few nights in the local homeless shelter a while back, but says he’d change and like a fool,I believed him.

  • #62561
    Profile photo of Landy Landy 

    He could apply for housing benefit and get his own place, but he won’t. Life is better here and who would be have to blame for everything that goes wrong in his life? He’s destroyed all his relationships and I’m all he’s got, but he can’t even be nice to me. I’ve got an important meeting at work tomorrow. I’m anxious about that, but he’s kept me up pretty much all night now with his ranting and raving, insults and threats.

  • #62564
    Profile photo of KIP. KIP. 

    He is not your responsibility. He is using you. Sucking the life and soul from you and he will continue until he destroys you. The sooner you get rid of him the less damage and debt you will have, Women’s Aid can support you. Google trauma bonding. Think of what advice you would give a stranger. If you feel guilty can you get somewhere for him? Move his stuff elsewhere? You have nothing to feel guilty about. Perhaps AA could help find him somewhere.

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