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So I’m on my (detail removed) message of the day from him. I’ve not replied to him but all of them so far are all how much he loves me and how much he is struggling, can we not try again and he will do anything to get me back. One of the reasons why I decided not to reply to his messages was that every other day I was having to tell him no we can’t try again and it’s over it got to the point that how many times do I have to say it. It felt like ground hog day where I felt like I had to break his heart every day. I know this is just a tactic to say everything in the book to get me to fall into the cycle again. He does have mental issues which I feel bad for but I have been so supportive for years on end with him I don’t think it’s fair for him to blame his mental health issues on his behaviour. Now he has started saying things like I just up and left when he needs support for his mental health. And that he is really struggling. I feel so guilty but I know I shouldn’t because this was all his doing. There is always a blame to his behaviour and never responsibility. He cheats and it’s my fault. I didn’t show him attention. I find messages to other women on his phone he gets angry that I looked at his phone he flips and blames it on anger promises anger management never ever happened all the times it was promised over and over ther years he cheats again and blames it on a choice of gin and then another time he agrees he has a sex problem and again agrees he needs to see a professional never happened. I never was allowed to express my opinion without him shutting it down. I know he has mental issues from things that has happened from the past but I don’t think it’s fair on me that I stay with him to be his support for his mental state. He has a very supportive family but he is putting it up to me, but now I feel really guilty. I’ve still not replied I feel if I do reply it will go either way where he will flip again. Or he will see me txting back as me wanting to give him another chance. When I ever do have to txt about our child I have to choose my words wisely as if I even right one thing the wrong way he clasps onto it and takes it as if I’m softening and givin in to him. It is so difficult reading his messages of pain and regret but where was all this pain and regret when it counted over the years.
I hope this makes sence I know I’m rambling abit
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Don’t read his messages. Block him. He is a liar and a cheat and will never respect your boundaries. He’s not interested in your feelings or your requests. He won’t even accept what you’re saying he will just ignore you and carry on with his manipulation. He is not your responsibility. Have you read Living with the Dominator by Pat Craven. All about abusers x
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I know it’s a tactic and I have not replied. I just feel guilty and at the minute with all the media over mental health and reaching out to people for me in my situation it makes me think of him. I know he has mental health issues and has just had a death in his family and I know he is struggling I wouldn’t deny him that, but I can’t be his support system any more and I feel it’s unfair of him to put that on me.
His mental health isn’t the reason i had to leave his behaviour is. They are 2 seperate issues I would happily be there for his mental state but if I do then he will take that as me and him being back to gether and I cant put myself in that position again.
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It took me a long time to go no contact, but honestly, it’s the best thing I ever did. All the time he could contact me, even if I didn’t reply, it stressed me out and dragged me down. Blocking him everywhere felt like a huge weight off my shoulders and I really couldn’t start healing until I stopped allowing him into my life.
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I think I am going to really consider doing the same. The guilt tripping has turned to the nasty insults. I’m almost scared tho of having complete zero contact in regards to when he is with our son if there is an emergency or anything How would that work. If my child gets sick and needs to or wants to come home early for any reason how would he get in contact to make sure I’m in. And to be honest there has been occasion where I have had to txt him as he hasn’t dropped him of when supposed to
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His mother said to me he was broken. NO, he is an abuser. Yes he has mental health issues but he is also a domestic abuser and controls it around other people. I can see clearly now and I want justice. Don’t feel guilty. Save yourself and get out to start thinking clearer. He very near destroyed me and no contact is absolutely the way to go. Get away from the drama they create in their little minds. They only care about themselves and what they can get from people.
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dear moon in the sky, the others are right about them making you feel guilty, we had a large family and i have been married for a lifetime, he also has mental health issues and i always felt guilty about leaving him,he manipulated my feelings somuch. my children were so affected by the way he treated me, the are getting councelling now and i realise it was my fault for not leaving him, there is always a reason, i feel responsible for him, now he is to old. i know he musthave had a personality disorder as many in his family have been diagnosed, and many have took their own lives, including my own beautiful child. now our lives are near the final chapter i cant leave because he is too old and frail but still very agressive ad nasty. the world outside think he is a lovely guy but they haveno idea. what i’m saying is to anyone who feels guilty about leaving an abusive or controlling relationship. please get help and support and don’t leave it until your life is nearly over and its too late. my child has gone and i cant bring them back, but i will always wonder if i had left years ago would they still be here. love granxxx ps i have been cut off from friends and family, i moved from my happy home to his miserable one
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