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For the past two days I’ve been feeling really bad and guilty regarding my abuser,he had lent me some money which I feel bad that I did not pay him back but I left him everything in the house and the house was in his name we were not married but I feel so guilty that I have not paid him back everytime he tried to make contact he tells me if you loved me you would pay back the money then he tells me I was only trying to protect you from your family and his?but when I question him about the abuse he just dismisses what he has done to my mental state some help ladies please help thank you ladies please stay safe thank god I left him before the virus outbreak xxxx
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Hi FREE2020,
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been experiencing some feelings of guilt recently.
It sounds as if your abuser is using this issue of having lent you some money to continue to contact you and make you feel bad. It’s so common for abusive behaviour to continue long after the relationship has ended, and abusers will use any ties they still have to continue to control and manipulate us for as long as possible.
Remember that he made the decision himself to lend you money, it may even be the case that he did it with the intention of making you feel guilty about it later on, it’s another form of power and control and it’s important to recognise it as such.
Well done for leaving him, you’re doing so well.
Take care and keep posting.
Lisa
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Hello Lisa thank you for your support,I really do appreciate this.i feel guilty for leaving and I get days where I want to go back to him but I know it is wrong for me to go back as things wouldn’t change if anything it would get worse,I have a great family supporting me all the way but my abuser was kind and caring and couldn’t do enough for me but then there was that evil streak in him where I couldn’t go to work or for a walk or go shopping on my own in fact I couldn’t do anything on my own not even answer the door to the postman,or talk to any man or watch TV with any man in it,he would never take me out or do anything with me,I lived in isolation for 2 years but now I’m living again but with all the isolating regarding the virus I’m in isolation again which is getting me down,I feel like I’m there again reliving what I have been through.
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FREE2020 you are doing amazingly! Well done to you. đâ¤ď¸I agree – thank goodness you got out before lockdown. Please take this time to constantly remind yourself of your worth. And what he did to destroy it. I was the same, couldnât say hi or interact with any male. He hated that my job was (detail removed by moderator) in that environment.
Itâs hard work to get past the FOG (ladies on here taught me about it) fear obligation and guilt. But believe me, when you get past that, and you will, you feel sooo much stronger, lighter and more positive and the world is yours again.
Be strong and block him everywhere- social media, phone, email. If you have joint responsibilities ask someone to mediate – you sound like you have a great support network – use them. Theyâll be happy to help you.
No contact 100% is the way to get through this, you do get stronger. Over ten months out and Iâm gaining every day. Guilt will come and go. Take it a day at a time and pat yourself on the back at the end of each one for getting through it with no contact X*x
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Hello hunkydory thank you for your kind support everything you have said is true I have only been out of the relationship for (detail removed by moderator) so yes I’m having good days and bad days and I know I will get through this,I’m blessed that I have family who have been there for me I walked out with just my clothes on my back the house was in his name and I wasn’t married or had children with him which makes it much easier for me,I just want to say to all the ladies on this site please don’t give up,I was mentally abused and I’m getting support from woman’s aid at the moment,any type of abuse is unacceptable,get out of the relationship we are stronger than you think,it is the abusers that make us weak,please ladies stay safe you have only one life so make sure you are going to be happy,sending lots of love and hugs to you all xxxxxx
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