1st August 2022 at 9:32 pm #147884StuckinturmoilParticipant
Today after listening to a friends advice I had an appointment with my GP. It was only a telephone appointment and they want to see me face-to-face.
I made the appointment because I can’t sleep and I’m living with constant anxiety because I’m driving myself mad whether I’m imagining this abuse and it’s all in my head. I wake up early in the morning and can’t get back to sleep for worrying.
I told the doctor I wasn’t sure if I was being emotionally abused. She said she wanted to see me face-to-face and in the meantime if anything happened to ring the police. I feel like I’m making him out to be some sort of monster which makes me feel guilty. He’s been pleasant today so now I’m thinking what have I done. What if she rings social services I’m worried sick. I mainly just wanted a professional to tell me if I am being abused as even though I’ve been to a counsellor I still don’t believe them for some reason. He doesn’t hit me he just shouts really loudly And I live with this pressure that I am not doing things the way he wants me to. I don’t (detail removed by Moderator) when he wants to leave the pub on the rare occasion we go anywhere. Everything as a trade off he will never do anything out the kindness of his heart I would’ve had to do something first. The names he calls me over and over again in a loud voice. He can’t have a disagreement he has to roar at me. But am I over exaggerating. He would be livid if he found out I feel frightened thinking about his reaction if he finds out. But then I would be angry if he went to the doctor and told them he thought I was abusing him. What if I’m wrong.
I don’t think I will sleep tonight either.
1st August 2022 at 10:11 pm #147891KIP.Participant
He is being abusive and you are scared. Huge red flag. Ring the national domestic abuse helpline and have a chat x
1st August 2022 at 11:30 pm #147897BananaboatParticipant
‘He’d be livid if he found out I feel frightened of his reaction’. Read that line back to yourself. It’s scary reaching out when you’ve been living like this in secret for so long but you’re doing the right thing.
2nd August 2022 at 2:01 am #147901UkGamerParticipant
Hey.. I just wont first of all to send you a big virtual hug.. Abusers will always make out its your fault and stonewall gaslight you till you ever think your going mad or there tell you that your going mad its all part of there plot (iv been in a abusive marriage now for over 10 years and only in the last year or two have i realised in fact he’s abusing me and when the time is write im leaving him for good as im worth better then this and so are you) I think its a great idear to go see the doctor if he asks just say its for a yearly health check up.. Speak to her about your concerns and be as open as you can.. As for the shouting and banging and name calling i know this well don’t let it get to you as this is what he wonts it to do.. I switch off and think of a paradise beach somewhere hot lead on a sunbed in a bikini on my own with a cocktail when my hb soon stops when he realises he’s not getting a reaction he moves onto anothet tactic normally the silence treatment or banging stuff down like a stroppy child that cant get they way there try every tactic in the book.. Its knowing these red flags that i think has deffently made me stronger in some way and helped me come to terms with actually what im going though is abuse and and realise that he will never change they never do change.. Seek as much help as you can doctor a close friends domestic abuse helpline your not alone we are all hear for you
2nd August 2022 at 10:18 am #147908EyesopeningParticipant
Hey, your doing the right thing and the advice given already is really good.
He sounds abusive, being scared of him is a huge sign, it’s great you are becoming aware.
I left an abusive relationship a while ago now, even now I have days when I doubt myself. It’s normal. My ex didn’t hit me, didn’t shout even, but there was serious physological and emotional abuse which had left scars.
It doesnt need to be physical to be abuse..
Reach out to Womens Aid on the chat and also your local Domestic Abuse services, mine were great and were always there to talk xx
3rd August 2022 at 7:59 pm #147985Squiggle1000Participant
I feel like this too. I have to pretend I am not scared or upset as I know it will make him worse. Everything I do is constantly wrong and watched, commented on. I am permanently on edge all of the time. It’s hard to accept its emotional abuse. Stay strong.
3rd August 2022 at 9:53 pm #147991BeansontoastParticipant
After monitoring the discussion boards for a while now, I finally logged on tonight with the intent of creating a very similar post to yours stuckinturmoil. Maybe it’s a sign…
My situation sounds very similar, except there is no aggression at all. In discussing with a counsellor, my partner appears to control me through his extreme emotional responses to situations. These manifest as anything from claims of bullying to panic attacks – and over time have lead to me ending relationships with good friends, giving up hobbies and more recently constantly doubting myself to the point where I can’t sleep or make a decision.
Much of the time – and to the outside world – he’s the perfect caring partner, so I find it really hard to comprehend that this might be abuse. I associate the word scared with being physical or aggressive; I’m not scared per say and so stand up for myself; but I keep ending up compromising to prevent his distress.
So stuckinturmoil, I completely understand how distressing and confusing this can be, and am thinking of you as you proceed on your journey.
3rd August 2022 at 10:04 pm #147992nbumblebeeParticipant
Guilt hurts doesnt it? It drives ne crazy. I feel it when i see ny counsellor when I lie to my husband about where i am so I can work. I feel guilty for my kids and not leaving I feel guilty for even thinking that what he does could be tbe A word guilt drives me mad.
How i try and look at it is why. I ask nyself why I see a counsellor why I self harm why i have to lie to him. Why I think he may be hurting me.
I do these things to keep myself safe to stop him from shouting calling me names thretening me accusing me ignoring me I do this to try and claw a life for myself. So my advise ask yourself why. Why did you see a dr? Why do you feel so c****y?
Because he abuses you sweetie him not you. You need not feel any guilt you are doing what you can to keep safe sane and to live a life worth living.
Reach out and dont stop till you get help sweetie. Xxxx
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