Feeling hopeless

[Klara]

I’m new here and just looking for advice. I left my shared home (timeframe removed by Moderator) and I am now I’m temporary accommodation. My partner had been on holiday (timeframe removed by Moderator) and when he had been back for 1 day the atmosphere went straight back to me and my kids being on edge. Partner ended up slapping me (not the first or worst that he has done) and calling me names in front of my daughter with her having a panic attack and him then being annoyed at her for telling him to leave me alone. (He has never laid hands on my kids) That was the final straw for me and I left whilst he was at work. I have been unable to go to work and can’t stop crying. I miss him. I know that sounds stupid but he would go months with nothing then lash out and I miss the nice side of him. He has been great with picking the kids up and spending time with them and telling me that he wants our family back together. I feel awful for leaving but hated my kids being in a toxic home. We had so many things planned with our home and I thought things would get better after his holiday. I just want to know if I will feel better eventually rather than the constant pit in my stomach and the sense of dread at the future on my own. Sorry for long post.

[Indeepindance]

Hi Klara,

It’s not stupid at all, it’s normal to feel you miss him.

You’ve done the right thing (well done) and it will get better, just slowly.

Try to view his being great with the kids etc. as part of the manipulation to get what HE wants. Did you get what you wanted? It doesn’t seem so.

That pit of your stomach feeling will eventually fade, you might have to work hard to remind yourself how much progress you’re making, all the little things which can go unnoticed sometimes, but you will realise that you’re feeling safer, calmer and happier even despite still thinking about him and what could have been if only he’d listened/changed his behaviour.

Keep going and good luck x*x

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