This topic contains 5 replies, has 4 voices, and was last updated by  ShatteredSoul 4 months ago.

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  • #74323
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    I did the hard part; finding the courage to tell him it’s over. That I’m done. So why do I feel no further forward? He just won’t accept it, no matter how many times I say it. Needless to say we are all still under the same roof. He has tried everything, from promises of change, pleading with me, blackmail. I have nothing left for this man; he almost destroyed me. But now what? I’m trying to stay strong, but that’s hard when everyone turns their back on you. Even to the point of my mum, dad and I being harassed by my mother in law (doing everything in her power to keep us together – w*f!!!)

    Was supposed to meet with a lady from local domestic abuse, but she failed to show. I stood at the desk in tears. I’m not sure what my next move is. So many questions, and I don’t know where to turn. I want him out of our lives. I have set up a new bank account, asked someone to pay I to for me. I want to file for divorce, but I know he won’t agree. Does the financial side of things need to be agreed, before I can file for divorce? I’m sure the 💩 will hit the fan when he finds out.

  • #74324
     IndecisiveGirl 
    Participant

    Firstly, that is so brave of you making that step to say it’s over, and also sticking to your guns and not backing down on it.

    The mother in law is not a surprise I guess, she’s standing by her son, if she won’t understand then maybe just go zero contact with her?

    Please don’t be disheartened by the domestic violence lady not turning up, can you rearrange with her? And I’m the mean time we are all here for you to support you as best we can.

    I’m not married so no idea about finance and filing for divorce, but I know most law providers give you half hour or so free advice? And you could always contact Rights for women I think it is?

    Keep strong and keep posting xx

  • #74340
     Iwantmeback 
    Participant

    Hi SS, that’s great news, I’m very proud of you💜💜

    A solicitor will sort out everything if he won’t play nice. It means having to give them some of the equity of the house but sometimes it has to be done. You may qualify for legal aid to begin with and they(solicitors) do what’s called claw back once the house is sold. You ask for a divorce, then the assets get divided up. If you’ve a joint account and access to his accounts, take copies of them, he’ll try and hide as much as he can to stop you getting any of ‘his money’. You’ll be due half of any pensions he’s got coming to. I’ve lifted my savings and have them hidden elsewhere, I’ve also opened a new account too. Once three divorce papers are served have you thought where you’ll live? Do you want to live in the family home afterwards? I’m not sure about the law in ruk but find out if you leave the marital home if that will have any affect on divorce proceedings. Have you changed passwords to bank accounts, social media, Amazon account, Netflix etc, it’s amazing what we forget. Also keep an eye for any debt collectors turning up, he may have taken loans out in your name or joint names, you can check your credit score fir this.

    IWMB 💕💕
    Good luck and again well done. You’re amazing💜💜

  • #74348
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    I know I won’t qualify for legal aid. I believe you can file for divorce online, but I know he will contest it. I know I will need a solicitor at some point, just wasn’t sure if I will need one from the beginning. He’s got form for knowing how to hide money, as he advised his mate during his divorce. He hasn’t been paid a salary since being made redundant, any earnings have gone into a third parties business account. He’s a very clever man, when it comes to money!!! I’m keeping an eye on the credit card, as I wouldn’t put it past him, to not pay it. Affecting my credit rate. I do know, he is unable to get a mortgage himself as he is self employed.

  • #74350
     Flowerchild 
    Participant

    So sorry he’s resisting, dear Soul, but it needn’t stop you! A marriage can only continue if both parties are willing, after all.

    You can download divorce forms from the .gov website for free and fill them in and serve them yourself without a lawyer. You don’t need his permission or anyone else’s, either.

    You just need four or five recent examples of his unreasonable behaviour; you don’t have to provide evidence or proof, you just outline what he did or said that you found unreasonable.

    Flower x

  • #74357
     ShatteredSoul 
    Participant

    Been doing some research on Citizens Advice website. It suggests mediation first, unless domestic abuse plays a part; to agree financial terms. This cuts down on costs, although there is still a fee.

    Looking further ahead, there is a space on the decree nisi, which asks you how his unreasonable behaviour has affected your health. Will he see what I write, as I don’t want it to be used against me at a later date?

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