Feeling like a fraud, is he really that bad?

[PinkPolkadot]

Hi there, I am new to this forum, but I already feel like I shouldn’t be here after reading some of the other posts.
My partner recently left after a huge row and we haven’t had any contact as yet. I keep going over in my mind whether I was in fact partly to blame.
I feel like I have done a lot of grieving during our relationship and right now I just feel numb. During our relationship I could never bring up an issue without being told I’m either overreacting or I should just get over myself, so nothing would ever get resolved and If I was sad I should stop being so negative. Our arguments would always get really nasty, usually with him walking out of my house.
In the early days of our relationship there were some lies, cheating and contact with his ex that he was trying to get back with, I turned a blind eye to everything even when I ended up with STD’s
The worst thing is that he can be the best boyfriend ever until we disagree on something and then I feel dismissed and disrespected.
There are also some aspects of controlling, he recently gave me an ultimatum and always guilt trips me if I have plans and he wants to try to make me change them.
In the early days I was so weak, I feel like over the years I have become stronger and started to find my own interests, sadly though feel like I am missing him and that even though we aren’t talking I’m not sure if I’m strong enough to not have him come crawling back.

[HunkyDory]

Hi Pinkpolkadot, welcome and well done for posting. If you’ve been on the receiving end of any type of abuse it takes its toll. Everyone deserves to be here if they’ve been abused no matter the severity 😘 Are you missing him or the him you want him to be, or the him you occasionally see when he’s being nice? Sometimes I feel the same – like I’m missing my husband, the house is empty and quiet..I’m sure the cat misses him even! but when I think about it, I don’t miss the rows the aggression and the constant walking on eggshells and trying to keep him happy. That’s the “him” I got most of the time, not the happy smiling loving man I fell for. If you’re not happy, and your gut instinct is telling you that, walk away. I went no contact some time ago and it is great for the healing process, but isn’t easy. I hope you find your way and have the happy life you deserve. Keep posting and let’s us know how you’re getting on Xx

[PinkPolkadot]

Hi Hunkydory, thank you, you ladies on here are so wonderful.
I want it to be a time where I wake up and feel free and happy but that seems so far away. I haven’t gone no contact yet, I’m too scared to do that at the moment 😔

[HunkyDory]

You will find the time that is right for you. Believe in the other side, it’s there and we are all here to support you xx

[Anonymous]

hi hunkydory is right you do have every right to be here and you have every right to walk away and never look back. we all miss our exs for some stupid reason the abuse becomes part of our every day routine. its not right its not normal and its totally not acceptable. i have been on my own a number of weeks now and took so much advice from here its kept me alice give me my sanity back. the best one for me was no contact o changed my number i had to he was mentally financially killing me. the walking out going missing for dsys on end to god knows were and who with was the one he liked to torture me with most. i get what your going through we all do. but the abuse doesn’t stop hunni it never stops get out reclaim your life your dignity your future we all did.. there will be ups and downs but you will do it

[PinkPolkadot]

Hello, I’ve had a completely new twist in my situation, we have not spoken for (detail removed by moderator) but he wanted to talk to see if we could reconcile.
In the meantime I have been in touch with his ex and found he has a sex addiction amongst all the other lies, I then found naked photos of him on swingers sites. I am truly truly disgusted and shocked, however I also feel a huge relief that it is finally over, I have the proof. I’m starting therapy tomorrow and am going to the clinic to check I’m ok, I am worried about this but once that’s done and hopefully I’m clear I can start to get my life back together. One thing I’ve learnt is always trust your gut instinct, if something isn’t quite right then don’t ignore it xx

 

[HunkyDory]

Well done you thank goodness you found out the truth and you didn’t get pulled back in by him. Would be best if you change your number, block him everywhere and have zero contact. He will keep trying I’m sure. You must be so relieved. Yes, get yourself checked out and then relax.. you have your freedom xx

[EbonyRaven]

Well done for staying no contact. Once you have the clear tests back treat yourself to something nice.

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