Feeling like im back at square one

[Yellowflower]

So I’ve been out a while now and been feeling like I’ve been making progress. Then all of a sudden it’s hit me. We’re not going to be together for Christmas. Our family is no more and all the pain just keeps flooding back. I have seen a picture of him recently and he looks so happy so carefree and it hurts. Why am I still like this. No matter how many steps I go forward the thoughts of him pull me back. I know his no good for me or our children and his made up so many lies. I guess I struggle to come to terms with that the nice man I saw at times doesn’t exsist. Was it all really just a front? I keep replaying different things that happened and realising I had believed the lies. I don’t want him back I want them version I love and letting go of that man is so hard. I have to accept I can’t fix him. His claiming how happy we were and how much in love we were but I didn’t feel like that certainly before I left I felt like he looked at me in discust. I felt like a slave someone who was just there to clean up and shut up. The sad thing is I know I need to move on and let him go but how can I? I’m doing everything I can rekindling relationships with friends I’d lost, the freedom programme, counselling nothings stopping me thinking about him it’s driving me mad. I mean what more can he posssibly do to me and I still love him? I hate myself for it. I know his moving on with his life going on dating sites and going out constantly so i know his moved on. Any advice would be greatfully received I want to stop this feeling and move forward with my life and my children’s we’ve been through enough.

[KIP.]

You’re grieving for the relationship you thought you had and for the future you were expecting. You’re grieving which is healthy and natural. In a year or so you will have truly moved on. Meanwhile Mr Shallow is off servicing his own selfish needs while trying to keep a hook in you. It’s painful and it’s a process we all go through but there is an end to it. Time, patience, and self care. You still have your family, stronger and healthier without the daily influence of a dysfunctional abuser. It take time to recover but you will get there. Try writing three positive things each day. Keep your mind positive. Work on mindfulness and slowly build hobbies you enjoy. Bring some joy back into your life and make new Christmas memories for you and your children. I bet he would have been miserable anyway at this time of year. Sucking the joy from it x

[Escapee]

Hi Yellowflower,

I can’t offer any words of wisdom as I’m exactly where you are at the moment (and engaging with anything that’ll help me move forward).

I just wanted to say that I understand how you’re feeling and hold out a hand of solidarity while we negotiate this next stage.

Love, hugs and understanding X*X

[fizzylem]

The Chirstmas thing is always bigger and worse on the run up, when it actually arrives it’s fine, especially if you have children as you’ll get caught up in making it a special time for them. The first year for me I was only a few months out so it was all about my child, getting through and nothing else, I wouldnt say I enjoyed it, I did enjoy parts of it though and it was ok; since then every year we go away for it and have come to love this time, we’ve created some truly warm memories.

Something that helped me a great deal when I got fed up with him invading my every thought was meditation; also agree with the above, you are grieving and an important part of that is to be with the sadness you feel until passes x

[Author]

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