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    • #170376
      Karisqq
      Participant

      Just feeling kind of sad that me and my family can only keep communication basic, like certain members can be abusive, some may lash out often or say really insulting words in front of everyone, and that’s why we find that the only way to keep the family together is to keep communication basic. Like when I text my grandma I can only send (detail removed by moderator), I just can’t tell her my mind bc she got to criticise it anyway. For my parents, they find it hard to hear my true voice since those things ‘hurt their feelings’ or they find it hard to understand due to generational gap but they can’t cope with it and we would eventually turn it to an argument. They said the price of growing up is that you can’t always say what you feel, even to the closed one, and we may be more distant with those who used to be close with us. It pains me especially when I see other friends who can tell their family everything and get along well with them. It’s like, I just want love and connection, why does it so difficult? I just feel like I cannot be myself, or feel supportive, since I struggle with trust issues due to all those traumas. I can’t get the support and closeness from family, yet I find it hard to feel safe with other ppl, including good friends, too! I’m just so lonely.

    • #170385
      Sad and alone
      Participant

      So sorry @Karisqq that you’re feeling this way. You always think that your family will be there for you and then when you get older you find out that isn’t necessarily true. Have things always been these way or have they changed over time? My family used to be close but then drifted apart as we got older. Sometimes families split up and create other families, or focus more on their own family instead of their childhood one. It must be hard not having anyone to confide in or feel like you can speak to “normally”. I have really noticed recently that my one relative that I am in contact with maybe more distant from me than I thought and it’s hard. I feel it too, like you don’t have anyone in the world who gives a s**t about you. Do you have any friends or people outside your family that you can make a connection with? Maybe a support worker or live chat here?
      Sending caring thoughts your way. You matter, you’re important, and you always leave lovely positive responses for others. Keep posting and try and take some time for yourself xx

      • #170390
        Karisqq
        Participant

        Hey thanks for your word. That’s why I keep posting comments and sharing, since I feel better when I can empower ppl, or when I interact with ppl here I find myself less lonely. For me, it still takes me some work and time to learn how to trust and open up with friends.

        I think things start changing after I realise some behaviours are abusive, such as guilt tripping, blaming me on every argument, unwanted touch, silent treatment, emotional neglect, and also the fact that I struggle with depression, anxiety and PTSD, because I try to communicate to them about their abusive behaviours, and they claimed that I’m being ungrateful, so those communications create cracks in our relationships. Meanwhile, some members continue their behaviours or even intensified since they find me more mature and independent, they wanna make me behave the way they like. I often being told that I’m not respectful bc I’m wearing clothes that they don’t like, or they may say that I don’t know how to do anything suddenly in front of everyone, and blush it off. They even blame me for (detail removed by moderator) bc I need it. They try to show everyone that they love me, such as by putting lots of (detail removed by moderator), that’s why when I try to set boundaries I am always told that I shouldn’t be ungrateful since they love me, I should tolerate them.

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