Feeling nauseous

[Haven]

I have to stop my mind thinking about the past & the future. Feeling waves of nausea, usually last thing at night. My heart hurts and I feel sorry for my husband. He has no idea how he talks to me and thinks it’s just a normal marital problem we can work through AGAIN. He is seeing a counselor and of course will not take any responsibility.

I still have contact as working through our financial agreement. I mentioned I was on a course and he started questioning me. Won’t tell him it’s the freedom course but part of me wants to scream at him … I’m f****d up because of you and I am actually trying to recover. I won’t as it no longer matters. I need to break free & keep blocking my thoughts as otherwise I will go backwards to the panic attacks & feeling sorry for him.

 

[Yesican]

That sounds tough Haven, particularly that you still have to have contact with him.

In my experience, the abuser is expert at playing the victim card. My ex has always pulled me back in with threats of suicide, rehab, self admission to a psychiatric hospital for a severe depressive incident, cancer. You name it and I have jumped right back in there. And he didn’t change and nothing changed in our relationship – except for him to be even more abusive.

So stay strong and be happy. I am feeling so joyous after (detail removed by Moderator) with no contact. Although I’m still waiting for the shoe to drop….. I wonder what it will be this time?

[Haven]

Hi Yesican,

We are obviously good people that we can still care about them even though they have destroyed us slowly over time.

I think mine has finally realized I am going all the way with this now. He has been throwing a massive pity party for himself but I’m not coming to it.

We can’t keep rescuing them and trying to make them happy.

It’s our life to live and we have done our time. Let’s do this & look ahead to the new phase of our lives. I just need to shake him off and enjoy my days.

Wishing you peace & positivity xx

[Yesican]

Thanks Haven,

I’m feeling a bit down tonight – Saturday night. It’s normal to feel sad and lonely I guess after having my ex in my life for so long. And now I’m alone. I’m happy generally but there is still the odd tug of the trauma bond. He hasn’t tried to contact me this time which is unlike him. I suppose he has another woman on the go and probably has had for a while. He may be back when she gets sick of him.

Hope your weekend is going well. xx

[Haven]

Yesican,

Right back at you!! Weekends are the worst. I went to the cinema alone & the film was sad. I felt like I could really sob. We used to go to cinema together and memories flooded back. I had a strong feeling to drive to the house (I’m not living there) and make it all good again. Cried in car driving back. A friend text me and visiting in the area and wants to visit Tomo but I’m not there,  had to tell her by text things are complicated.
Most of time I’m ok and if I keep busy can stay positive and move forward. He been texting me today and totally clueless. I don’t answer him.
I wish he would meet someone else.

Hope you have a better day tomorrow

Haven x

[Yesican]

Morning Haven,

 

Thanks I got through Saturday night. I had an instant message chat with Womens Aid which helped a lot. I think I’ll reach out to them when I feel the urge to contact him. I have things planned today – (detail removed by moderator) ARGH! with friends. That’ll keep me busy.

I hope you get to meet up with your friend. Do you think that you’ll tell her some of what’s going on? I’d be afraid to tell anyone as I don’t know what their reaction would be.

Have a good day and let’s keep on keeping on xx

[Haven]

YesIcan,

Weekend nearly done!

Hope you enjoyed your swim? I’ve been going too ..makes me feel alive!

Met my friend and yes told her the story & it was nice having a hug & a good listener who knows me well.

You should confide in a friend you know!!! Most people know before you tell them and are very supportive.

Wishing you a positive week, moving on in the right direction.

Haven x

[Haven]

I’m struggling with a very strong feeling to return and focus on our retirement together 😔 visiting a friend (detail removed by Moderator) & lots of couples out together dog walking and it hurts my heart. I would, but this time is very different because I have had so much help from friends and family and I know if I did return they wouldn’t want to know anymore. Plus I would then be the w****o that had gone through this whole nightmare for nothing. I feel like I’m coming off an addiction of some sort. I’m scared and feel sick. I could loose my mind if i let myself again. How do I get past this?? Nobody really understands.

[minimeerkat]

you can do this!  even if its splashing some water on your face & reminding yourself of how unhappy/unheard /bullied/depressed/scared/unloved – whatever it was that you felt whilst you were in this relationship.  because when we get these cravings (due to us feeling like some kind of drug addict) we desperately want something good to think about to help these cravings go away.  so we are picturing happy times in our mind – but in reality will they actually be happy times or will you be back to feeling exactly how you used to again

it is going to be painful seeing other couples & its especially difficult at our time of life.  but we dont know whats around the corner.  and if you are contemplating a new relationship in the future then all we can say is that we have made some space for someone who truly deserves us.  so maybe it will help to think of this being temporary & it being time you need to heal.  just get through each day as best you can & be so very very proud that you have loved & respected yourself enough to make the decision you have.  stay strong.  these feelings will pass x

[Yesican]

Thank @miniemeercat. Your reply helped me to get through the Saturday night blues. Xx

[Haven]

Thank you miniemeercat,

I know you are right!

No way contemplating a new relationship. It’s just that feeling of great loss and sadness.

Healing time is long and I know it’s a gradual process. Thank you for your wise words and encouragement.

It really helps hering this from those that really know.

Haven

[Author]

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