Feeling numb

[Tractor]

Hi ladies

Not my first post I’ve spent a while trying to work things out back and fourth and I know he’s never going to change. They never do , do they! I’ve signed up for the freedom programme and very recently I decided to end things. The weird thing is up to now I feel numb or maybe normal like I’ve no desire to contact him like I would normally not upset . I cried alot yesterday because I feel angry with myself angry that I’ve let him make me believe it was me. My ex husband was physical and that was obvious but this has been years of mental gas lighting moody blaming me and I feel like finally that light bulb has kit up !

I am scared I’m going to crumble and waiting for it to hit me but it hasn’t ? Has anybody else experience this ?

X

[KIP.]

Hi there. After years of walking on eggshells and waiting for them to pull the rug from under us or wipe the smile off our face it takes time to get out of that old thought process. I felt it was like the cycle continued after separation. The euphoria, then the anxiety, then the melt down. It takes time for our brain to work it all out but you’ve taken that all important first step that there’s nobody to push you back down x

[Twisted Sister]

The peace and quiet can hit quite hard I think after, as KIP says, life on eggshells, has lighting and continual anxiety. Like everything is empty, and nothingness.

I think this is your space being returned to you to start filling in your own choices.

Filling that with your new life.

Warmest wishes ts

[Twisted Sister]

*gas(lighting)

[Tractor]

Hi kip I remember your posts. Well done to you for leaving. Feel a bit down today but know from experience now you have to ride it out few hours feel different again.

Twisted sister the gas lighting is the worst so cruel x

[JaneEyre]

Hey,
So glad you posted this.
I feel like I’m going crazy.
I felt utter nothingness for weeks.
Kept asking myself why? When was it going to hit me?
Am I so cold and unloving that this huge event in my life, my children’s life had no effect on me whatsoever?
What is wrong with me?
Maybe he was right…I am an unloving, uncaring, ice queen….as he put it.
But I can assure you it will come.
The guilt and sadness will kick in and it’s every bit as horrifying as you imagined. But it is nothing compared to what WE US have been through.
Enjoy the numbness. And appreciate that the pain is necessary but will not last forever.
Sending love and positive thoughts x*x

[Tractor]

JaneEyre

Well done on getting out ! The start of the road to recovery ! We can do this!

X

[Author]

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