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    • #50795
      backtome
      Participant

      I’ve not long since returned to work after being off sick for a while due to depression. Since coming back I just don’t feel like I’m part of the team any more. They all know a lot of my situation and the problems I’ve had with my daughter and our CEO has been really supportive and on paper it looks like they’re the best company ever to work for, letting me choose my own hours etc. But I just feel like an outcast now. There’s a meetup for people in my profession coming up and my boss just said to the other 2 in my team that maybe they’d want to go but he didn’t ask me, he just directed it at the other 2. Also I don’t feel like I’m included in conversation any more or that I’m “one of them” if that makes sense.

      My concentration has been really bad because of the depression (and resulting night waking) and I just feel like I’m not even here (at work) even though physically I am. I just don’t want to be here even though I should technically love my job.

      No real point to posting this, I’m just feeling sorry for myself and wanted an outlet. sorry everyone. x

    • #50796
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hey, you have nothing to apologise for. You are amazing to even make it to work. Perhaps your CEO recognises that you need to take baby steps. We put so much pressure on ourselves. If you had broken your back and was slowly returning to work, you wouldn’t put the sort of pressure on yourself. Recovering from abuse is exhausting and meantime you should try to accept that it will take a while to get back into the swing of things. Just take it easy meantime x

    • #50802
      Freedomfighter
      Participant

      Hi Backtome,
      I can so identify with your post. I was trying so hard to keep my head together and keep going at work. I made a couple of mistakes and am on my final warning. The pressure just got too much and I crumbled. I had only just realised it was abuse not just a bad marriage, having to tell my GP, Women’s Aid local branch to start getting advice and help. I’m still living at home and trying to act normally. What you were saying about not fitting in or feeling comfortable, I feel like that everywhere- home, work, with my family, friends etc. It’s a horrible feeling. I don’t feel I can be myself any where. He’s been telling me I’m paranoid for a couple of decades now and I really feel like I am at the moment. I’m always watching what I say and looking at the way people look at me. It’s horrible. I’m sorry you’re feeling out of synchs at work. I’m really dreading going back. A couple of friends have sent texts saying not to worry and everything will work out. Just hurry up and leave and get back to work.
      I just feel like that’s more pressure. I’m struggling on a rollercoaster ride of emotions as it is. Keep telling myself they don’t understand and not to take any notice, baby steps. I’m trying to go at my own pace and not let them pressure me. I’m throwing myself into decorating at home, keeping my mind and hands occupied, being kind to myself like Kip said. My counsellor says the same. She says if I push too hard too soon I will put myself at risk of breaking down again and be a sobbing wreck again. So be gentle with yourself. Easier said than done I know, but it’s better to take it slowly at first. Throw yourself into looking after yourself rather than work for now. Good luck

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