Feeling selfish 🤔

[I.dont.know.]

I wish nothing more than that I could spot my kids seeing him! He’s can’t set anything in stone about seeing them, demands to know my exact plans so he can plan when to see them. Then when he does see when he drops them off he spends 30/40 mins stood at my door complaining at how rubbish his life is and how he has it so hard and how I make it difficult to see the kids which is absolutely the opposite to the truth.

He’s just controlling my life through the kids I hate it! 😥😥

[diymum@1]

hes using contact to control you – classic with these men. you dont have to tell him your plans that is your business not his – not now. id get set times drawn up in an order the handovers could be done through a third party or at a contact centre. hes using child contact to keep control of your life – you have nothing to feel selfish for he is using guilt also to make you feel sorry for him – its a tactic. my ex did this he was suicidal but actually he had a gilfriend and he was out all the time xx much love diymum

[freedomtochoose]

hello love,
sorry to sound doimineering, don’t intend to sound that way , but you need to join the
rest of us with cast iron fxxking boundaries around our kids.
we can talk you through it.
all best
ftc
x

[Anonymous]

You are not selfish. Is there any way that you could change the handover place? I have mine in a public place so that it is safe and if I need to get away I can.

[fizzylem]

I went through this, my child spent over a year asking me when am I seeing dad? He changed the days, fit her in around everything else he was doing, and also let her down at short notice. Eventually I managed to draw up a ‘parental agreement’, I got him to commit to the same time every week, then we both signed it; it wasnt easy and it took me around 6 weeks of bits of discussions here and there but I stayed focused and was determined to get it done. Of course this wasn’t a legal doc at all, and wouldnt stand up in court, but it could be drawn from in court if needed to show the arrangement we both agreed if needed. Just doing this alone seemed to be enough for a long time. I was clear that if he cancelled on her there would be no other arrangement made for that week; as at the time I was trying to have as little contact as possible and didnt want this to become a loop hole to be exploited. I agreed that after a period of 3 months if he was consistant I would be open to him having her for extra time if he asked for it in advance – funny thing – he never asked, it’s only been more recently he has requested this, years later; which I think has more to do with looking ‘normal’ to his new partner than anything else.

CAFCAS also provide a parental agreement service to anyone. It’s a good idea if you can get him there, as it outlines who is responsible for what, the when and wheres – whatever is needed. Once this was in place there was no real need for him to contact me.

[Author]

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