Feeling so angry

[existorlive]

I’ve been seperated from my husband for (detail removed by Moderator) months after (detail removed by Moderator) years of mental and emotional c**p. I feel so angry that he has people around him that believe he’s a great person, wouldn’t hurt a fly…he’s without flaws. He’s so good at being “nice”. I’ve spent so many years treading on eggshells, nothing I did was enough, my support was never enough, my love was never enough. He never noticed anything I did around the house…he’d ignore me for days…he’d even avert his eyes when I walked down the stairs and pretend I wasn’t there. Just a whole bunch of dark mood cloud swirling around him. God, I became so depressed, last year I went out into our garden once, I hardly went out, I stopped riding my motorbike because I feared I was going to get lost…my confidence was at rock bottom.

I started fighting back last year. Instead of letting things go ( confronting him with his inaccurate stories and accusations. I’m to blame for all his misery apparently) I started to tell him that I deserve respect and I’m deserving of respect. He’d pretend that he hadn’t said somthing and I would remind him that he did….b****y hell, it was exhausting. I was still trying to get him to see from my point of view…never gonna happen! He would shout and repeat stuff over and over again, call me such vile degrading things and shout in my face…I’d shout back. He smashed stuff and threw a bowl at me…I asked/shouted why did he throw it at me?…he shouted that I was a liar….Uh what? I guess he didn’t want the neighbours to find out he wasn’t such a great person. So he did damage control.

He’s been telling his friends how terrible I am (poor little victim that he is), they have no Idea who he is or how he has been treating me and my son for so long. I was deprived of love, affection, attention, vailidation and worth. I have an immense anger in me, such rage. I started meditating just after he left and I have become happier and more whole, spiritually growing…but the anger is still there. I don’t know how to deal with it.

He moved out and the mortgage on our house has been paid for (he owns the property), he’s been good enough to give me (detail removed by Moderator) a week for the last few months to get on my feet. He’s paying the bills as my son is living with me and he’s a full time student…so he’s at least doing something. I’ve spent the last few years really not looking after myself and my teeth don’t look that great….I need to get a job but my appearance ie teeth need sorting out. My ex won’t pay for it and I have no access to any other money. I really don’t know what to do now.

Any ideas on how I should deal with all of this?

Thanks for listening :o)

[existorlive]

I forgot to say that he is now withdrawing his monetary support, so I’ll have no money at all. I don’t know what to do.

[KIP.]

Get to a good solicitor asap. My ex was hiding money. If you’ve been married decades you’re entitled to your share of money and assets. Sounds like he’s been keeping you sweet while perhaps getting himself in a good position financially. Do not believe a word he says. You need good legal advice x

[existorlive]

Oh God…you just reminded me. The secretiveness…it’s funny, he managed to find (detail removed by Moderator) to put towards his mortgage on his flat. When I asked him about this he just shrugged his shoulders. It was like pulling teeth just to get any info on other accounts. My son has an account from his babyhood and EX is being elusive with the details. My life is wonderful without him in it, but he is still connected tenuously and I hate it. I’m going to the citizens advice today and find out where I stand and how to get a solicitor. I want to shout this stuff out so someone gets a clue and sees who he really is. Uugh. x

[KIP.]

You can ring Rights for Women for free legal advice. You can find a local family solicitor, most offer the first half hour free so that should give you an insight into what you’re entitled to. You can ring the helpline number on here who can give you advice and put you in touch with your local women’s aid. Do not let him know what you’re doing. He will just lie even more. Meantime write down all the things you know about the family finances. Try to get any paperwork you can and put it somewhere safe. Be very careful about what date you agree on a separation when it comes to the legality. You need to prove you were a couple when he was hiding all this money. Don’t agree to anything until you’ve taken legal advice and make sure you tell the solicitor everything. These men are pathological liars. Mine tried to sell the house from under me even though our son still lived there with me. No empathy, no conscience. All the time he was playing the victim. Even with an assault conviction against me.

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