Feeling so fed up

[Hetty]

My ex keeps insisting I talk to him about practical matter post separation. It feels like the only way to get some issues resolved without legal bills. He’s not being abusive during these discussions but I just would rather do it all via email. When I say this I just get endless messages basically saying I’m being ridiculous (gas lighting).it’s wearing me out and my stomach is churning all of the time. Feeling like I can’t win. I just want things to get sorted so I can move on. It hurts me to talk to him. I do still love him (trauma bonded). Any advice about how to get through this post separation period would be greatly appreciated xx

[KIP.]

All I can say is total zero contact. He can insist all he likes. There’s absolutely no reason for direct contact apart from him regaining control and hurting you further. Some issues you may just have to walk away from. Others you may have to use solicitors. Check out Surviving Economic Abuse. It’s a charity I follow. They have a website about post separation financial abuse. Any contact with him is toxic and leaves you even more vulnerable. You cannot negotiate with these men. Just concentrate on yourself and protecting yourself from exposure to further harm. His goal is to reel you back in, probably to hurt you further with a cruel discard. It’s not worth it x

[Hetty]

Thanks Kip. I’ll look that organisation up xx

[KIP.]

I had to pay for a solicitor which was more expensive but it was the best money I ever spent. Have you applied for legal aid?

[Hetty]

No. I had a solicitor deal with some I tail issues which I paid for. It wasn’t much. I’m hoping not to have to pay for anymore. I’m hoping that the current situation will force an outcome xx

[Author]

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