Feeling so knocked back.

[Escaped not free]

My life was finally getting on track. I’d built up the courage to set boundaries with my mother and my ex and thought it would protect me but all it did was stunn them briefly. Now they have got together. Branded ME as a controlling, psychotic bad mother. I can’t fight the two of them together. I just can’t. I’ve nothing left to fight with. My kids are not happy and I am powerless. I need peace. I’m not coping, it’s gone on too long and now they are actually working together when my mother knows how he treats me. Because I asked not to be verbally abused and make decisions about my own life. I can’t keep fighting.

[Confused123]

Hi HUn

This is just a difficult stage u r going through, once u leave an abuser u have another turmoil to get through with the damage they have caused, u know the truth and thats what should matter to u, i used to think how many times will i justify myself to people about why i left, all it does is set of triggers, i used to struggle at begingin with lies being spread about me, but in the end the truth always comes out. Hardest bit is ignoring the spiteful comments and polietely telling people your version and even that is upto u how much u disclose, i soemtimes just used to say to explain what an abuser does is endless , just know u never want to be with one. You say your children are not happy, could you expand on why they are not happy, even when i left my kids were upset as family unit had broken down , had to relocate , deal with the emptional imapct this had on them, but now x years later we are all so much happier, seek out the support that is available for all of u

[danicali]

everything they do is designed to chip away at you until you break. you can let them break you, or you can try to stay strong and keep going. i know it seems as though you’re up against impossible odds, well, in some cases, you are, but try to keep going. let them say what they want. most of it’s rubbish and you know it and so do they. your biggest victory over them is to be OK in SPITE of all the s**t they throw at you.

part of this is learning how to switch off to them, to detach emotionally from whatever they say or do – i know how hard this is when you have kids and they use the kids, but try. you have more strength than you know… x

[Escaped not free]

Thank you ladies. You are so kind. My daughter is really not happy because she wants her daddy to spend time with her, not leave her at my mothers. She says she doesn’t know why, but she makes her feel like she’s bad when she’s not being bad. She said, she doesn’t actually say I’m bad but I feel that’s what she thinks. My mother calls her a little madam and selfish and a princess for things like needing a light on in the background to sleep….not new, something she’s needed all her life. Or she will deliberately cook the one and only food my daughter doesn’t like then make a fuss about her not eating it, and how she’s selfish. She will also then pass comment on her weight, shes only a little girl, she OBSESSED over our weight…the result is I am only happy when I’m underweight, working on that…my sister over eats in her presence out of defiance. I’m proud of my daughter for articulating at such a young age why she feels bad around her without fully grasping why. My boys are sick of the tantrums their father throws, my eldest describes him as a person without rational thought, who he feels he needs to protect from his younger siblings. My younger son laps up every sob story and lie they feed him about their bad mother who is nasty and doesn’t want them to see their grandmother. It’s the total opposite of what Ice done. I offered to take them to her whenever she wanted them for tea as long as she didn’t talk badly about me. She couldn’t comply with that so went to my abusive ex instead. I don’t know how to stop their behaviour. I feel I need help to protect my kids but I don’t know who can. Their dad doesn’t even let the boys shower at his because it uses hot water. They come home dirty and smelly. There’s not even a basic level of care. My son had a chest infection at the same time I was in hospital with my daughter, he’s asthmatic, needed a doctor and his dad refuses to take him, said I made up his asthma because I’m neurotic. He was nearly admitted to hospital and ended up on high dose steroids for a week. I need him to accept to a basic level of care and not expose my daughter to psychological abuse I suffered. I don’t know how.

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