Feeling so very low

[Catjam]

Really struggling this week, crying at everything, no energy. Yesterday I couldn’t stop crying. He hasn’t noticed, he is ill so nothing else matters and of course he is playing the martyr by still going to work and doing overtime. He has a bit of a cold!! He will complain that I have neglected him (removed by moderator), he has had to ask for stuff. Usually I just feed him them every four hours but this time I haven’t.
I think it’s just a mix of things, stuff with my dad, he is so like hubby it’s quite alarming. Not sleeping brilliantly so really tired.
Yesterday I wanted to curl up and not wake up ever again. It’s only the thought of spending the whole weekend with my grandchild that is keeping me going. Haven’t felt this low in a long time.
Last time he told me how hard it was to live with someone with depression, the worrying when he goes out in case I have decided to hurt myself.
Don’t think it’s helped that I keep forgetting to take my afternoon St Johns wort. I have been on antidepressants before and I didn’t like the way they made me feel. Disconnected and like I was wading through treacle.
Looked at old diary entries the other day, probably wants set off the low mood now I think about it. It’s just the same stuff over and over. Sad really.

[fizzylem]

Hi CJ, sorry it’s been a tough week; good to hear you’re looking forward to some time with your grandchild, they can be such a ray of sunshine can’t they, and much needed when everything else feels dark.

If it’s the relationship that leaves you feeling depressed then whatever you take isn’t going to help much is it, because the cause persists. I used to try and go out as much as I could with my camera, worked for months, it was like full escapism for the afternoon I spent with my camera. Always had to come back to it and life though and that was hard, dreadful, but I look back on that time now and can see this both saved me and prolongued the ending.

I find exercise can be a good one to lift my mood, can be hard to find the motivation sometimes but once I go I’m always so very glad that I did. He may be treating you badly, but that doesn’t mean you can’t take good care of you hey. If you’re not going to leave him I’m hoping you have lots of friends and can get out and do lots of the things you like to do, and leave him indoors or to get on and do whatever it is he gets up to. Hope you have fun at the weekend x

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