Feeling sorry for myself

[Scarecrow]

Hi everyone,

Having a pity party for myself today. Feel really low and just heartbroken that i am back in this position again.

I spoke to rape crisis yesterday, just for some advice, and the lady was really helpful and kind, but i feel like i am in limbo.

I know that this man ignores my boundaries and body language to get what he wants – so why do i feel that i needed a definition of what he did from me from them? Torn between wanting to know if he assaulted me (please dont judge me as i have no intention of doing anything with the information other than to help me deal with it) and not wanting the definition as it will mean that either i was assaulted OR i am a crazy lady that blames my inability to open my mouth and say i dont want sex for what has happened.- He knows i have issues, i have told him – more then once – so am i oversensitive or is he a pig?

My head is literally spinning with all of these thoughts – all day and night.

Thank you for letting me vent

S x

[Darcy]

Hi beautiful Angel…Scarecrow,
You are more than entitled to have a pitty party so please do not be to hard on yourself … we all have bad days … just don’t be the last to leave the party!
I understand that you want validation from an outside source as to how he treated you , but I would urge you to start to trust yourself and your own knowing of what has happened and how he has treated you as well
You know in your heart what he has done to you… trust that, trust your judgement in knowing that you have been hurt
Its a good first step in acknowledging and noticing yourself. Once you start to notice yourself you can then notice your needs and listen to what it is you want
Its tricky at first to know what you need but sit quietly for a while or walk in nature and from out of no where you will know … trust yourself my darling
This may be that you need a good nights sleep or a healthy meal or something bigger that you need to change about your situation
Unless we are still how can we hear what our mind and body are really telling us… when we tune in we are so so powerful
Stay strong
Sending you continued love and support
Darcy xx

[Scarecrow]

Darcy, thank you. You make so much sense and i am so very grateful for your kind and wise words. I feel like i spent so much time being told that i was wrong and that i hadn’t seen what i thought i had, that i have stopped listening to and believing myself – and i dont know how to get that back.

When i have finished work i am going to write a list of things that i think are relevant and see how i feel afterwards.

Thank you for your support, it is invaluable and i pray that you take care of yourself x*x

[Angeltakemehome]

I understand you. I was in a relationship with someone where I was a virgin hoping to get married. I felt pressured to say yes when he wanted sex. I gave in and didn’t say no even though I felt scared to have sex with him. I felt very sad afterwards. He tried to intercourse me and I thought he had had intercourse with me but he didn’t because one of the guys I met afterwards really had intercourse with me so I was confused and a bit uneducated. I felt sad after the first guy done that to me because I was waiting. I was waiting until marriage with my first partner and we didn’t have sex but yeah. These partners I was with had domestic violence in their family – 2 of these partners did. I went to domestic violence counselling after thi

[Author]

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