7th June 2021 at 11:44 am #126787FarawayplanetParticipant
Oh my, I have no idea where to start.
I tried to leave my husband last year, stupid me went back.
Was ok for a bit but I knew deep down I still wanted to leave.
He came up with a stupid idea that I was against but he ended up talking me into it. I regret it.
To (detail removed by moderator)
I love (detail removed by moderator) but not like we are now.
He chucked a lot of our possessions, sold items and all we are left with is some clothes (not many as he chucked most of them) and a couple of personal items and camping items. (even now he has chucked most of them (detail removed by moderator)).
We did not own the house we lived in so (detail removed by moderator) as normal.
We have been (detail removed by moderator). We being him, me and our child.
Taking our child (detail removed by moderator) was hard for me, I did not want this. He kept going on and on about how (detail removed by moderator).
I want to leave him but now I am with him 24/7 there is no escape at all.
Everytime I want to suggest something, he doesn’t agree (detail removed by moderator) it has to be his way. Our (detail removed by moderator), massive mood change from him to angry and blaming it on me – we had cover and it was (detail removed by moderator). Sex has to be when he wants it no matter where we are or what we are doing. When (detail removed by moderator) he has to hold my breast or thigh all the time. I hate his touch, I hate my life. I need out and I feel stuck.
I sometimes think, its ok its not bad, at least he isn’t hitting me etc but in my mind, my mind is broken for all his mind games. I am on the last straw. I have no family here and he cut me off from my friends years ago. I just need to get my child and I away from him.
7th June 2021 at 12:10 pm #126790ISOPeaceParticipant
Oh Farawayplanet, you post just screams out that he sees you as a possession. I can feel my skin crawling as you describe how he treats you. It sounds like very controlling and isolating abuse.
It must be very difficult to get enough space even just to think about your options, let alone make plans. My heart really goes out to you.
I have read stories on here of people leaving despite it seeming impossible from a practical perspective. Hopefully people with more similar experiences can give you practical advice. If you don’t get much, please create another post with a title that makes it really clear you want some advice. It seems like there are more and more people posting on here and sometimes posts aren’t noticed by people who would have really good replies, so do keep trying. Also try to contact Women’s Aid, perhaps the live chat is an option for you.
I truly believe it is possible for you to take baby steps to leaving, however impossible it feels. You are already awake to the fact that it is abuse, which is a massive step. You don’t have to have all the answers now. I found that just taking small steps helped me cope with the abuse prior to leaving, because I knew I was taking my power back. You can do this and everyone on here is behind you every step of the way. Sending lots of love xxxx
7th June 2021 at 12:13 pm #126791ISOPeaceParticipant
Btw there is nothing stupid about going back to him. Abuse creates trauma bonding (google it if you can), which keeps us feeling like we need them for our own survival. It is a completely normal human response to abuse. You were are not stupid, you are abused. The abuse is absolutely not your fault, it’s all about him and his need for control. xxxx
7th June 2021 at 12:51 pm #126794Living WarriorParticipant
hi my lovely, i totally agree with isopeace, that made my skin crawl and felt sick to my stomach, my first port of call woould be to contact womens aid, they can find you emergency accomadation, which yes may not be pretty, but it will be safe for you and your child, your are for all means homeless, so the local council will have to find you somewhere suitable, court orders are available to stop him contacting you are being near you and your child. and this usually can be sorted out through womens aid, who usually have a law firm that they send their clients to if needed. Mine is awesome tbh. most emergency court orders like the type you would need are free whether you have money or not due to the nature and urgency of the orders, and can be done without notice which means he will not know you have applied for one untill he is told it is in place. by then you would be out and safe.
there are ways, it just takes ALOT of courage, and strength and i know that this is probably 2 things you are lacking right now, i just replied to send you my love and support and make you aware there are things you can put in place to help. all be it, very stressful and worrying, it cannot be worse than what you have described my lovely.
8th June 2021 at 2:09 pm #126872LisaMain Moderator
Thank you for sharing that with us, it must have taken a lot to reach out as I can hear that you’re feeling regret around returning to the relationship and are feeling incredibly trapped at the moment. It sounds like you are going through so much.
The nature of abuse is that it can be incredibly hard to leave, and what is happening is not your fault, abusers are so manipulative and convincing. What you’re describing is really concerning and abusive behaviour from your husband. It does not sound like a safe environment or lifestyle for you and your daughter, I can hear that you are really worried about her which is understandable.
As the others have said, there are options for support with this and services who can help if and when you feel ready to take some steps to be free of his abuse.
If it’s possible to talk online, you could contact the Live Chat service and speak to a support worker confidentially about some options.
Alternatively, you could look up the local specialist DV Service where you are, for some advice and support around safety planning and emergency accommodation.
The police can also help with this, as can the local authority.
I will send you some further information via PM so do look out for that in your inbox.
Keep posting and let us know how you are doing.
Take care of yourself,
9th June 2021 at 8:13 pm #126934FarawayplanetParticipant
Thankyou, it’s really hard to get on the chat to woman’s aid. I only get a few mins a day to myself.
I think I may need to leave and go to a police station when I am in a town. As we are travelling around getting access to local services is hard. Ex yesterday we were in the (detail removed by moderator).
Feel like crying.
9th June 2021 at 8:29 pm #126935gettingtiredParticipant
Hey, if you call the national abuse helpline but can’t get through you can leave a voicemail asking for a call back. If you only have a certain safe time frame for them to call back (when he’s not going to be around) then tell them this in the voicemail and they’ll try to prioritise you as a call back. They ring on a private number. You just have to leave them your name and telephone number.
I’ve had a horrible few days, please know that you’re not alone. I find it comforting (albeit really sad and I wish it wasn’t happening to anyone else) that others are going through it as well xx
9th June 2021 at 9:57 pm #126942nbumblebeeParticipant
I just wanted you to know you are not alone. My husband uses sex as a weapon is constantly touching me and gets nasty when i say no.
You are brave and strong reach out for help.
Sending you hugs xx
10th June 2021 at 7:14 pm #126991BettertimesaheadParticipant
My husband too used too expect sex whenever and wherever. He (removed by moderator) when we had ‘ opportunity’ to have sex but didn’t. He would also grab my breasts when we were driving and was obsessed with (removed by moderator|). I still haven’t really accepted how much sexual abuse there was, but writing it down like that makes it hit home
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