Feeling trapped.

[Lovecoffee]

I explained my situation as much as I could in the “Is it abuse” section.

At the moment I’m just feeling trapped in the relationship.

I feel like I have no choice but to stay with him even though I know this is a toxic relationship.

The main reason I feel trapped is financially. He is the main earner and I don’t have any savings so I really don’t know where I would go.

I have no family to lean on as they don’t live in the UK.

So, I was just wondering if anyone has advice for me. I feel like I’m stuck with no other option but to stay in a relationship that’s making me miserable.

Also, I have a baby so it’s not just me to think about. I want to make sure my baby is looked after too.

[Lisa]

Hi LoveCoffee,

I’m really glad that you’re recognising this relationship is abusive and you’re reaching out for help. This takes a lot of strength.

It’s understandable you’re feeling trapped- many women do in abusive relationships because of the practical reasons such as finances. Have you spoken to a Women’s Aid worker yet? This might be a good next step to talk about getting legal advice, alternative accommodation, other support you could be getting… you will have some options, it just depends on your specific situation and what you’re wanting to do. No one will tell you what to do, but talking through the details with a support worker and getting some options might be helpful. You can access the chat here.

You could also contact a local domestic abuse service for some practical and emotional support.

There is a specialist benefits charity called Turn2Us you might want to contact if it’s finances you’re specifically worried about. They’re on 0808 802 2000.

Keep posting and take care,

Lisa,
Forum Moderator

[Hetty]

The key is small steps. A long, long time ago I started making plans and exploring options. Years previous I was unhappy but didn’t recognise my relationship for what it was. I started doing small things to help me feel in control even when I felt I was completely trapped. Even organising mine and my child’s belongings (decluttering) so when the time came there was less to get out. I also kept important stuff in one box under the bed. Passport, hard drive with photos on etc. I got copies of important documents like shared bank account and mortgage details. At times I felt so deceitful then he’d be vile again and I’d remember why I was doing this. Sometimes it felt a complete waste as I used to think the time would never come that I’d be able to end the relationship. The most important step for me was going to my local domestic abuse charity for support. I burst into tears as soon as i walked through the door. At no point did they ever pressure me to leave or make plans I wasn’t ready for. Hope that helps.
I’m finally out (early days) but because of all the prep work an grieving I’d done, when my opportunity came I took the leap of faith. It’s not easy but it’s worth it. I’ve finally reclaimed my life back. I literally feel like I’ve been prising a demon off my back.
Stay strong x

[Author]

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