Feeling trapped and lost

[Losingbattle]

I’m new to all of this so bare with me. I dont know what to do anymore. My husband is a functioning alcoholic. His abuse is worse when drinking. He picks arguments over nothing and calls me names like c**t and mornjy b***h and verbally attacks me over money because he is the main bread winner. He has been physically abusive on 2 occasions. He shouts when stressed. He nit picks at everything my (detail removed by moderator) year old daughter does. I want out but I’m scared. I have anxiety and I don’t know how to deal with the aftermath

[KIP.]

Hi, you need support. Start with your local women’s aid and your GP. Alcohol is no excuse for domestic abuse. He chooses to abuse you. I bet he wouldn’t assault you when drinking in front of a police officer so he knows exactly what he’s doing. Abusing you in front of your child is child abuse. You can also involve the police. Got a restraining order too. These men are not so scary when faced with the police and the courts. You’re right to be scared as it’s the most dangerous time for women when leaving an abusive relationship so you need help from women’s aid to make a safe exit plan. Meantime try reading Living with the Dominator or Why Does He Do That by Lundy Bancroft.

[Lisa]

Good morning Losingbattle, welcome to the forum. I can see that you are going through such a difficult time and you are unsure what to do. I can see see from your post that your partner’s abusive behaviour is worse when he has been drinking. It is is important to remember that this is not an excuse for his behaviour.

You could get some support for your your local domestic abuse service, they could help you to decide what you want to do next. You contact also explore some options with a support worker from Women’s Aid through the Live Chat.

Keep posting

Best wishes

Lisa

[Losingbattle]

It scares me more as he uses things against me. (detail removed by moderator) ago I was so angry that I lashed out and threw a (detail removed by moderator), this led to him pinning me against a wall and pushing me around. I didn’t speak to my mum for (detail removed by moderator)years after an argument we had. He stopped me letting her see her grandchildren and also stopped me talking to my sister as we owed her money. I’ve recently got back in touch so feeling stronger. He brings it up in arguments and slags them off. I’m starting to feel that I do have other people not just him

[KIP.]

Abusers isolate us to keep the control so well done for reaching out to your family. You can bet they have your best interests at heart where he’s trying to destroy you x to break you down into little pieces. You won’t win an argument with him. He will simply change the goal posts leaving you more confused. They drive us to behaviour that we wouldn’t normally use and it can leave us feeling guilty and ashamed but that’s what they want x contact your local women’s aid x

[Losingbattle]

That’s exactly how I feel, like I cant win. He even text me once after an argument saying that the whole argument was my fault and that I’m always the problem. It left me so angry and confused. I will definitely speak to someone. I don’t want to involve the police. The thought of this makes me so scared that I’m sick

[KIP.]

Hey, I felt the same but why would you feel this way? Has he programmed you to feel this way? The police are there to help you and they definitely helped me. Ask for the domestic abuse unit if you decide to involve them but they were fantastic help to me and have access to other helpful agencies x

[Author]

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