Feeling trapped & helpless

[Anonymous]

Hi,
I’ve recently seen the light that I am in an emotionally abusive relationship.
I have researched emotional abuse to try to find enlightenment & empower myself but everything I read seems to indicate and confirm how trapped I am.
I am married with a toddler, my partner has anger management/trauma/emotional issues stemming from childhood and times prior to our relationship, these manifested babdly shortly after babys birth as aggressive/abusive (never violent but close) outbursts, after months they finally sought out counselling.
Since looking into it I see that our whole relationship from the very beginning had the halmarks of emotional abuse.
I dont even know where to begin to describe everything, it can be so subtle, but I feel broken. I am/was a strong independant empowered female and now I just feel lost, isolated, powerless and totally helpless.
I dont know who to trust or who I can talk to as she is so manipulative.
If it wasnt for the baby I would have left a long time ago, but I’m terrified that if I leave they will ruin the babys life, it would break me to think that they would ‘abuse’ the baby in the same way or have the baby pulled form pillar to post. I dont know if i would trust them not to harm the baby if they lost their tmeper.
Everything I read suggests there is no escape, that theyll lie and deceive to get what they want. I feel like nobody would believe me becuase they are so ‘nice’ on the outside, in public, everybody likes them, they dont see the real person.
Its such a scary place, if i stay i can protect the baby, but can i when i cant even defend or stand up for myself.
I feel like there is no escape, they will always have some sort of control because of the baby and access etc.
How can I find empowerment, how do i make the right decision, what is the right decision. The knowledge of what is happening almost makes me feel more helpless as there doesnt seem to be any escape.

[KIP.]

I would start by ringing the helpline and finding your local women’s aid. They can help you make a safe exit plan if you wish. Meantime keep a secret journal including photos of any injuries X

[Lisa]

Hi Befuddledmuddle,

Welcome to the Forum and thank you for posting. I hope you find the support you are looking for here. I am sorry to hear about the abuse you are experiencing.

As KIP has suggested, ringing the 24hr National Domestic Violence Helpline is a good idea to find out your options based on your circumstances. The Helpline is available on 0808 2000 247. It is a busy helpline but there is a voicemail service available if you are able to request a call back at a safe and convenient time. The Helpline Workers cannot tell you what to do but will listen and discuss your options as well as signpost you to other organisations.

It also might be useful to speak to the Rights of Women regarding your baby and the legal matters. You can find details of Rights of Women here.

Your local support group are also a good source of information and support. You can find details of your local group here.

Keep posting to us, there will always be support here for you.

Best wishes,

Lisa

[Author]

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