Feeling upset

[Lavenderlou]

Hi
I’ve only recently ended my relationship and I’m feeling really upset and finding it hard. I’ve been no contact for only a short while. When we first split he constantly rang and text saying how sorry he was that he’d make everything ok if I took him back..he talked about us getting engaged and that he didn’t want to miss me for the rest of his life. I gave in for a very short while but nothing really had changed, no more talk of getting engaged. I also found a few emails from a couple of women but he wouldn’t tell me much about who they were saying he didn’t want to spoil our day, or any other day, by talking about them as they were in the past, nothing to worry about, and he had no idea why they would email him now, out of the blue. I waited for a night when I knew he was busy so I wouldn’t see him and told him it was over. After months and months of trying to explain how I was feeling and how all the problems he had with me were making me hate myself he always just brushed them aside – the last message he sent said how baffled he was by me ending a relationship that could have lasted a life time…I feel so hurt by it all, and the distress of the abuse that crept up on me so slowly that I’m having difficulty coming to terms with it all.
I feel like sending him a message explaining how he’s hurt me, but I’ve done that before and he doesn’t seem to acknowledge any of it saying I should look at all the positives. I definitely feel like emailing one of the women and asking why she sent her photos and how she knows him etc as he wouldn’t tell me….but is it worth it.? I feel really lost and upset, I just don’t feel any better about anything since not being with him…I still hate myself, I hate seeing myself in the mirror and feel so lonely.

[lostandbroken]

Hi Lavender 🙂

Well done on getting out, this is the hardest part over with. You just have to cut all contact with him, and do things for you, spend lots of time on yourself. Its not easy i know, but its does get easier with no contact.

The things he will say and do now are typical narc behaviour. My ex came back to me with the most dramatic ideas of things to make himself better, all the things i wanted him to do throughout the relationship he did over night. He will try to real you back in with false hopes, thats what they do best.

Do you have family to stay with?

[Lavenderlou]

Thank you for your reply. I have my sons coming for Christmas lunch so that will keep me busy…it’s just when I’m alone and I start to think that it becomes overwhelming – thank you for your reassurance that it gets easier with no contact.

[Suntree]

Its hard to get out.

I always think a truthful person doesn’t dodge the questions. Contacting him won’t make any difference it might even give him amo to use against you.

Try writing it down then destroying it.

I think if I was the other woman how would I react if I got a message from the ex. I would like to think well, but then I remember that I he probably got to them first or even after and would have a sad story or you would be the nutty one.

That one is a what do you want to get out of contacting her? To see if you were right? You already know that deep down. To warn her? Will it be worth it, only you can answer that.

When I felt lonely I remembered how painfully lonely I was in the relationship.

My loneliness is a different one a more peaceful one now.

I have been able to make friends, old friends awhere they kept their distance are happy to catch up.

IT takes time but you will get there.

No contact is a hard but good idea.

[Lavenderlou]

Thank you for your reply – I won’t contact her, you’ve helped me think about why I wanted to and any reply she sent, or didn’t send, wouldn’t have made anything better for me in the long run…it wouldn’t take away any of the hurt he’s caused me. He’s caused that over a period of time and I suppose I can’t expect that pain to just disappear over night when it took a while to embed in me.
You’re also right about the loneliness – I often told my partner I would be better off on my own, by myself. None of the ‘issues’ he had with me would matter then – I could just be me and not worry about the fact I was just being me. When with him I thought to myself I would rather be miserable, upset and lonely on my own rather than miserable, upset and lonely with him…and at the moment I do feel those things but like you say those feelings have a sense of peacefulness.
Thank you again for your reply, I appreciate your thoughts.

[Kaza]

I know how you feel. I feel so lonely I cry. So upset with my narcisitic ex. He cheated on me and tried to get back in my life but has found another victim now. The thing that makes me depressed is how quick he gets women, and he has left me in such a state that I have depression and no motivation to meet anyone else. Is this normal does anyone know.

Kaz

[lostandbroken]

Hi Hun.

Yes this is normal. My ex too replaced me within a matter of weeks of leaving him.

Iv endured so many different emotions, I feel heart broken, lost, depressed, anxious. All these feelings are normal.

We forget the bad and remember the good. I’m having a bad few days myself with the run up to xmas. Knowing he’s all “happy” and loved up. While I’m left behind trying to heal myself after the mess he made.

Your not alone. Xx

[Lavenderlou]

Thanks for your reply kaza. I’m sorry we both feel so upset, it really hurts doesn’t it. I think we are having a normal reaction to such an un-normal situation and hopefully it will all get better for us. I’m guessing it’s a process of understanding it all and moving on from it – at the moment I’m not doing either of those very well, but I haven’t really given myself the time to yet. I suppose it can’t all just be undone in a matter of days when it all happened over a longer period of time, if you know what I mean.
Best wishes to you and let’s keep in touch on here -I’m sure that will help x

[Nova]

…I have woken during the night, again, with panic and feeling really upset.

I was ok for a few days feeling a bit more together, then work today was stressful, and I find I can’t take it. I can’t take anymore cr*p, I feel like I’m juggling all the balls in the air and trying like crazy to keep them spinning and I have moments like this where I feel I’m headed for a complete meltdown.

It feels like MEGA pressure atm, I have major money worries, work schedule stuff to sort, which impacts on daily life..a severe health problem, that is under investigation & the finances of the property/lawyer etc…not to mention the family/friends combo him lurking in the background & bleep Xmas!
It all feels like too much I have no support. I’m facing this alone.
I know it’s a bad day, I’m just SO sick of it and I hate him for causing this…even though I decided to end it, it’s the whole situ of this pain and suffering, out of it. I can clearly see why I went back. That is not an option now I couldn’t imaging even looking at him…would damage me, not him, even further doesn’t make it any better.
This is my life with all this total mess to have to deal with.
Sorry Lavender Lou…I feel for you it’s soul destroying reading all this sometimes, I know we support each other, virtually on hear, which is a good thing.

I’m just feeling so sad and alone Right now it’s like nothing I’ve ever felt before in my life. No one here, how the hell did I end up here?

Cx

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