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    • #136063
      Jalfrezi
      Participant

      **TRIGGER ALERT**
      I’ve got PTSD from a previous domestic assault. I recently got involved with a guy who seemed so wonderful for the first (detail removed by Moderator) weeks in the relationship. Looking back, the abuse was slowly creeping in. He would put me down and humiliate me in front of people. He took me to his local to meet his friends, he got a dog treat from the jar on the bar and offered to my face, in front of a busy pub. “(detail removed by Moderator)” he said. I felt so small. I could see horror on people’s faces. He called me a c*** once in front of friends. I stayed. I even foolishly lent him money, he took weeks to repay, laughing every time I asked for it back.He would shout at me over nothing. He dismissed my emotions, told me I was mental and would often give me the silent treatment when it suited him. I was in this for (detail removed by Moderator) months. He proper reeked me in for those first lovely (detail removed by Moderator) weeks. I’m just (detail removed by Moderator) weeks out of it and I’m feeling worthless. My confidence has gone (detail removed by Moderator). I just don’t know how to get help with how it’s left me. If anyone can help me make sense of this, I’d love to hear from you. Thanks. X

    • #136065
      Grey Rock
      Participant

      You know what, although you’re understandably in a painful place right now I think you should be giving yourself a pat on the back for recognizing all those red flags and taking steps to remove yourself that quickly. Recovery isn’t plain sailing but it sounds like you’re navigating that tricky path really well.

      Sending you love, a big hugs and lots of prayers.

      Have you done / considered doing the Freedom Program at all? I found it really beneficial.

      GR x*x

    • #136085
      Kitkat44
      Participant

      Hi jalfrezi
      Just wanted to say hello and welcome, also well done for getting out when you did. Have you got a friend to confide in? Let your GP know what you’ve been through?
      It’s taken me ages to get round to but Lundy Bancroft’s book Why Does He Do That is brilliant, lots of recommendations for it on here and it is very validating.
      Sending love
      Xx

    • #136112
      Jalfrezi
      Participant

      @Kitkat44
      Thanks for your reply.
      I’m fortunate to be out of it. Emotionally struggling though.
      Yes, I have a friend to confide in.
      I need to seek professional support so I’ll do that this week.
      I’ll have a look at that book. Thanks for your kindness x

    • #136113
      Jalfrezi
      Participant

      @Grey Rock
      Your kinds words are comforting, thank you.
      I don’t recognise myself to be honest. It’s so confusing as I know I’m 100% better off out of it but miss the person he pretended to be.
      I’m going to look into the Freedom Programme so thanks for letting me know it was beneficial to you. Stay well x

    • #139571
      AllAdrift
      Participant

      I think it takes time for us to “defrost” afterwards. It’s been  (detail removed by moderator) (similar things as you) and I’m only just starting to remember the me I was before I met him.

      That’s the saddest part.

      I have no answers but I am consciously loving me now. When I feel anxious or lost I do a heart hold and it really stabilises me. I put my hand on my heart and self-soothe saying “there there, it’s okay now, you are safe and loved” or similar. I pretend that I’m soothing a child or a beloved pet in pain. 10 mins of this a day really helps plus baths, fresh air and chit chat to friends. I’m building up to a project to get my teeth into but still too unsure yet.

      Good luck with finding yourself again. Some men enjoy hunting “lost girls” for their own needs so we must get solidly loved by ourselves before we can attract a good one. xx

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