Feeling very low

[Thistle06]

I’ve been gone out of that toxic relationship for (detail removed by Moderator) months now both myself and the kids are doing well. However I was getting some counselling the other day and the question came up had I ever been sexually assualted I described an incident that happened a couple years ago and it turns out that was an assault. Now I’m thinking what is wrong with me that I couldn’t even see that. Never mind all the other stuff which happened to me. How do I think so little of myself and why was I so quick to say it was my fault at that time. I feel like I spent years kidding myself and how stupid am I.

[KIP.]

You’re not stupid. Abuse and trauma robs us of our head space. We don’t have the chance to work out we are being abused when our headspace is all taken up fending off an abuser. It’s only now that your brain feels safe it’s opening up and absorbing the abuse. It’s not your fault. I believed my ex had legal conjugal rights. I believed he was angry because he wasn’t getting enough sex. We are so vulnerable and these men make sure they use that to their full advantage. It’s not your fault it the effect of abuse and brain washing. There’s also cognitive dissonance when our brain can’t stand to face the truth so pushes a different narrative that we settle for and we live in denial because the truth is far too painful. Good riddance to bad rubbish x

[Bettertimesahead]

Had this same conversation this week. I agreed to and did some ridiculous things, went along with some very bizarre requests. I knew it didnt feel right but its only now I realise how abnormal things were. We are not stupid, we were abused and that’s not our fault!

[Thistle06]

Thank you both. Its the longer I am away the more I realise how abusive it was

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