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    • #61347
      fridges
      Participant

      Hello,
      I contacted couple times police for a confidential advice, I started to look for the legal support too.
      I will need to make the decision – how to deal with it….
      To get involved police, will mean I will be stuck for years and it will consume me completely, I will not be able to focus on anything else apart this. It will be like reliving the trauma and horror again and again.
      Just meeting with legal advice made me so dry, I’m literally so exhausted, and drained emotionally.
      It is so hard for me to come and speak about it. I’m already at the edge of my emotional state and I do not know what route to take the best…. Try to live and see what will happen?
      Or involve solicitor…
      Which effect it will have on me, on my life?
      I feel scared. But at the time I think may be a letter from the solicitor will warn him to leave me alone forever and his action can be questioned.

    • #61367
      Lisa
      Main Moderator

      Hi Fridges,

      I just wanted to show you some support. I am sorry that you are feeling a bit overwhelmed at the moment. You are doing brilliantly. Whatever you decide will be the right thing for you at that time. Please get some support from your local Women’s Aid group. They will understand how you are feeling and can help you through the process.

      Best wishes,

      Lisa
      Forum Moderator

    • #61500
      Camelia Daisy
      Participant

      Hi Fridges

      I sympathise with your situation. This is a very exhausting and emotionally draining thing to deal with.

      I’m also trying to decide which path I should take and can’t seem to decide either way as I’m just not sure I have the strength to fight anymore.

      My feeling is that maybe this means it’s time to take a step back and focus on ourselves for a while to gain some inner strength. Give yourself permission to be happy and do things that are going to bring some light in to your life instead. Easier said than done I know!

      I really hope that whatever you choose you can gind peace. I agree with Lisa, whatever you do will be right for you at this point so try not to be too hard on yourself about the outcome. His response is out of your hands and you mustn’t feel responsible in anyway for this.

      Love to you xx

    • #61512
      fridges
      Participant

      @Lisa thank you very much for your support. I have tried to call to womens aid, but it must be busy time, as no one returned my call back. I will try to call this week again.
      It is hard to decide how to process. For example if he will try to harm me or intimidate me again. I will report it straight away. I clearly asked him never contact me again.


      @camelia
      daisy – You are also thinking what to do? It kind of feels – me or him…. to take care of what is happened and work through and build a new version of yourself, healing, put all energy to this and lay out a new life for yourself. Or to battle him for years, which for me will be years… Without even getting results. By statistic only 15% of all rape go to court and only 6% are prosecuted. Even if you followed all the steps and reported straight away.
      I hope the rape culture will change!
      I also would like to feel safe and not feeling scared anymore.
      One of the girls whom I met in the group – said to me – you will always feel scared of him, as for the things he has done to you.
      I think similar to you – like i need to gather the strength so much, to feel me and be me. Not the someone’s doll.
      I also can not understand how much actually can lie.. and to which extend someone can go to mislead someone just for the benefit. How he look sin the mirror? There is so much denial in who he is in real. I saw real version – and it is so ugly.
      some people when you know their heart – you are admire them for who they are, the way they think, they way they treat others. But his insides are so ugly and disgusting, that i wish i never knew this person.
      it is rotten, with worms and decomposing.

    • #61513
      Camelia Daisy
      Participant

      You sound like a lovely person and that is a beautiful thing, trust your instincts and I’m certain you will do the right thing.

      The statistics are scary, I agree, but remember that each case is unique and that shouldn’t put you off doing what is right, if that’s what you want to do. Real change is possible when we stand up to the problem, in this case, our abusers.

      Be so proud that you can see who he is, that you know the truth and it is that which he hates, not you. He knows you hold the power.

      I personally feel so proud that I can not understand my abuser as this means we are worlds apart and I am nothing like him.

      You can get advice from the police without making a statement or pressing charges by calling the non emergency line and asking for the domestic abuse line. I would highly recommend speaking to a professional and getting support for yourself. This will help to keep you strong when you need it

      xx

    • #61561
      fridges
      Participant

      @cameliadaisy – i know that any attempt with contact me again, or my family, or my friends, i will report it. Or to try to do something nasty too.
      as i had enough.
      Yes, i’m glad that I see through him and I see now all way how he did everything, like every trick.
      I have already called to the police and spoke about it – they ask me to come forward, as it is serious. But i’m worried how it will make my life. it can take 3-5 years away and they are vital to build a life. i need family, i need to get back to work. while going through these process – i know for sure, i will not be able to do these two things.
      police log his name, and my details, in case if i will decide to make statement in the future, so they have the details or other women will be raped by him, or similar abusive behaviour.
      I also understand on my experience that more likely he raped someone else in the past, or will do it again.

      Big hug and lots of love to you, thank you for supporting me 🙂

      X.

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