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Its been a few weeks now. I got the house in place and I felt ok for a while. But now I feel like I’m broken. We have kids and even though things are quite civil around them during pick ups we seem to get into pointless conversations of blame via text. Its like hes torturing me. Things got so bad when we were together but he always seems to look so good when I see him. So tempting. And then he tells me hes met someone else. This is the second time this year hes met someone else after we split. It just makes me feel like I meant nothing. Like he could never have felt that much for me if he moves on so quickly. It hurts so much
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The answer to this is to stop indulging in all contact other than child arrangements. If your agreement regards pick ups and drop offs and allocated times is ad hoc and informal it is going to mean you are more exposed to him than if you had a formal schedule in place which is legally binding.
He’s met someone else. What you mean is that he has met another woman who he is either abusing already or is to be abused in the near future just as you were. You are the one who escaped him. There is nothing to feel jealous or melancholy about with regards to this poor new lamb on its way to the slaughterhouse. This is what abusers do, they have a mountain of women almost on a mechanical assembly line so that when they’ve chewed one up and spat it out, there is another fresh one ripe for the picking to later be chewed up and spat out.
I can understand your self-esteem is low and it feels like a betrayal, have you had any counselling or therapy or read any books or resources on domestic abuse yet?
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And you’re most definitely not worthless x
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Letting you know about this other woman is triangulation and it’s designed to make you feel worthless. That’s his goal. Any contact is toxic and my ex was already seeing another woman behind my back and tried to play us off against each other. Only I wouldn’t play his games and went straight to a solicitor. I’d advise you to do the same. Block his number. Use email instead for purely child contact issues and change your mobile number. It’s easier to ignore emails than texts and emails are proof should you need it. Don’t engage with him. He’s only interested in making tour feel worthless, that’s what makes him feel good about himself x absolutely zero contact is what’s needed x
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I remember the emotional chaos and agony of this so well. Please know that your current perception of yourself is very distorted from abuse and a soul killing relationship. You also should be very aware that your mind will tell you FALSE stories about “how good he looks”, “another woman is getting the best side of him”, “he’s happy”, “you’ll never find love again” etc….These are all false narratives and are NOT true.
Notice the thoughts and beliefs that are causing you pain and start questioning them. One exercise that was extremely helpful is from Byron Katie. You can access this on her website for free, byronkatie.com She also has daily free counseling sessions.
He won’t stop torturing you on his own. But you can learn to free yourself from your own mental agony and he’ll lose his ability to cause you pain.
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