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We always said we’d be neutral over daughters health issues. She’s not been good lately and is also struggling with school as a result.
There’s meetings and things to sort as well as supporting her. He offered help with general things on neutral grounds expressing concern for her and saying he’d put differences aside. I took him at his word, idiot that I am, but in my defense kind of expected it to gonoear shaped. Guess what he’s used the opportunity not to help but to twist everything into an opportunity to blame me and her for everything that’s happened. Texts flooding in accusing me of x, y and z. Bad mouthing me to relatives again and lying to school etc.
Why am I such an idiot? Why have I not learned by now? He’ll never change. It’s all about him not about her needs. He needs the kudos of seeming a good dad for the doctors and teachers.
He’s blown it now as I think they are recognising his traits as well.
Our daughter has excluded him from her appointments (her choice) and he’ll need her permission in writing for any info to be released to him and she’s not going to do that.
I think the time has come to accept he’s really never ever ever going to change and stop giving him chances to help out. I can do it on my own I have no choice . I don’t need his help and I really don’t need to be subjected to his abuse any longer.
It may even be time for no contact totally – even for health issues.
Phew needed to get that off my chest! -
Hi Whiterose. I wonder whether the ‘helping out’ is a way of him still trying to control you and a way in to continue the abuse. I say this because my husband offer to ‘help’ and then throws it all back in my face when he’s mad. It’s as if he uses these offers of help to store up ammunition for later. Like you, I am thinking that no contact is the way to go. It is very hard, especially when we share children, but I find that I am continually drawn in to his mind games.
You sound strong and determined and you can do it on your own xx
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Hard as it is to face, this is what they do. When we are struggling alone, longing for support with our children, they use it against us when they offer their support.
If your ex is anything like mine, he will act concerned about your child and offer to go along and support you with whoever is involved in dealing with your child. He will put on an excellent show of ‘The Good Father’, worthy of an Oscar award, while making you come across as a weak, neglectful parent. He will then use your child’s problems as an excuse to criticize your parenting skills and gain an army of allies to believe his sick mind games.
I really believe that the only way forward is to cut these men out of our life. They only care about their own needs, how they appear to others and trying to destroy us. They don’t truly care about their children and don’t deserve the title of Father. My ex never gives up via his contact with our children, trying to destroy me but they are old enough now to see through him and have chosen to cut him out of their lives. It seems like your daughter has seen through him now and she is on your side.
Don’t feel like an idiot, you just wanted him to care about your daughter, you just wanted some support , it is only what any of us want. You are right, they never change so we have to come to the realisation that our children are much better off without them.
Sending you hugs XX
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Thanks for the support. I’ve had escalating abuse and more threats today. He’s crazy. Insists on telling everyone I’m mad and an unfit mother threatening social services (bring it on I’ve got evidence of child emotional abuse recorded on my phone!).
He is getting worse and more people are seeing it and questioning his motives.
I’m drained but not giving up. He’s taken enough but he’s not getting my health or my sanity! -
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