Felling dirty and really vulnerable

[Anonymous]

Hi I’m usually the one giving the advice but sometimes especially the last few days I’ve been feeling so disgusting and really vulnerable ( as title says) I don’t know how to make it stop at certain times ‘certain times of a month’ like now it get so much worse, I feel like even though I’ve no contact with any of these anymore I feel like they are still on me ( I know it might sound weird) I’ve been given an unjust reputation about the place that I don’t deserve and I’ve always seemed to be pushed into doing things I’ve not wanted to by people I don’t like or have not been ready for(some were dangerous and showed clear signs of personality disorders and some were on drugs)I’ve turn all the anger and disgust on myself cos I can’t hurt other people it’s not my nature. sometimes I hate me

[nbumblebee]

Ive no advise but I wanted to reach out as you say you are always on here helping others.
Im sure by now you know my stories so I completly understand the feelings of utter disgust i really do and self hate yeah thats me too. Id suggest writing it down getting it out talking it through sont let it fester inside.
Also maybe see a dr just to check your hormone levels see if you can get some help there.
Sending you hugs xx

[Anonymous]

Thanks nbumblebee I’m okish now I went for a walk had a bit of food and a bath I feel a bit better, I think I do need to talk to my dr cos certain times my mind gets really dark and self destructive, I still hope you find a way out one day 💋🌸🌼

[nbumblebee]

A good bath and walk helps clear your mind doesnt it? Im so glad you feel better, hard all this isnt it? Some self love is definatly what you need and yeah dr is a good idea maybe time to think of yourself as well as others?
As for me thank you for yours words, i hope so too cause right now i dont know how much more i can take, how much more fight i have left.
Look after yourself sweetie big hugs x

[Anonymous]

Thanks nmbumlebee same to you don’t give up, never give up the only thing to give up is him forever 🤗💋🤗

[Shocknawe]

I also wanted to reach out. I think one very important step is to be able to forgive yourself. I know it’s hard but I think it’s primordial in order to make sense of the trauma that we have been through. I am very sorry you feel this way.

[Anonymous]

I’ll be ok shocknawe just the last few days I got really down and wondered if anything was worth feeling this way for, but I can get past it I know I can 💞💛💞

[Shocknawe]

I know you can get past it :). I know! You are so brave. Just posting here about those bad moments shows your strength.

[Anonymous]

Thankyou shocknawe it’s goes through my mind a lot, I’ve stopped having nightmares about them but just the last few days were just weird with it all, I got overwhelmed, I don’t usually ask for help or advice cos in the past I’d not got any from people/family, just blame, I’ve gone right under before twice I thought I was getting to that level again but I’ve come out of it now whatever “it” was????? I’m still not completely ok but not as dark as I was 💜🧡💜

[Anonymous]

And your right shocknawe I do need to self forgive that’s the bit I struggle with the most I have to try though 💫🌟💫

[Weemebreeze]

I just wanted to reach out and show you some support ❤️ It sounds like you’re doing all the right things – walking, nice bath etc and I really hope you feel a bit better soon. Be kind to yourself, you’ve been through so much. Sending you a hug and wishing the best for you 💕

[Anonymous]

Thanks weemebreeze I’ll be ok I just have some “funny” moments sometimes maybe we all do? 💜🤗💜

[Weemebreeze]

Hi Auriel, we all have those moments, I’m certain of that. I definitely go through cycles – at some points in the month I feel so strong, thinking clearly, able to deal with everything. And at other points in month, my confidence is ripped away, I’m riddled with anxiety, feel so low and cry all the time. Those low points feel almost unbearable. Then it’s like the clouds part and the sun peaks out again….and those days are much easier. Hope you’re feeling a bit better today ❤️

[Anonymous]

Same weemebreeze different at different times, I think all of us can connect with feeling that way, you just gotta fight to stay afloat find reasons there’s always reasons 💜🧡💛

[Eggshells]

Hi Auriel

Sending hugs.

Good to hear that you’re feeling a little better.

You’ve done incredibly well to pull yourself out of this a little bit. There comes a point where you feel so down that it feels impossible to do the things that you know need to do to help yourself.

To pick yourself up and get out there for a walk, run yourself a bath etc, you’ve done so well. Little things like that can just feel impossible when you hit rock bottom.

Perhaps consider seeing your GP. As long ascyou still have a head full of everything that’s happened to you, you will remain vulnerable. xx

[Anonymous]

Yeah eggshells I don’t really know how I got that bad on those few days, I think it was a combo of a bad month and memories on a loop? I’m always gonna have the memories, they’ve got less with time but guess it’s a part of the traumas which is easing a bit but I’d not been that distressed for a while and felt like I was going under but I pushed myself to do those little bits + I’m starting a course connected to women’s aid next week so it’s something to look forward to but I do hope your ok too 💋 🐣 🧡

[Author]

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