• This topic has 5 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 5 years ago by Anonymous.
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    • #16441
      Booboobeedoo
      Participant

      I was on my own trying to have a nice day, I just felt really down and thinking about his apologising. So I got online and re-read all the bad things to remind myself. I still feel guilty about kissing him (removed by moderator) . Apparently I was asking to get back with him, but that’s not how I feel I was really drunk and emotional so I messaged him apologising and explaining I still stand by my reasons for leaving. He got back to me saying he thinks I’m making excuses and that I still love him or that I don’t mean it and I’m such a nasty person. I’ve never intended to be nasty. I’ve cut contact completely again. He has been so horrible in the relationship telling me to call my family horrible (removed by moderator) and I’m not going to see or speak to them, and if I did he could share personal information about my in-law, he pushed me off the couch and has called me horrible names, not every day but often enough!! I told my family all of this and I feel more angry than I have because he has the audacity to call me nasty?? I broke contact to apologise and took full responsibility. He’s adamant we meet up soberly to talk but I’ve explained it won’t change anything and I don’t want that. But I’m so so stupid for getting drunk and kissing him because it’s dragged all the mess right back up!!!! Feel really low…

    • #16451
      Escaped not free
      Participant

      I just want to say don’t beat yourself up. I desperately miss my ex despite everything. If I was left in a room with him I KNOW for sure he could talk me around. You need to make your own decisions but calling you nasty when he didn’t get what he wanted sounds like licking you back into a cycle. Mine would declare undying love to me and if it didn’t get him what he wanted in the space of a conversation he would get very angry and nasty. You have a right to choose not to be with someone. i get how difficult it is and I hope you do whatever is right for you next. X

    • #16461

      Hi, i am in the same position as you both. I have now been NC on BOTH SIDES for over 2 months. I miss him and think of him every day and I am finding it hard to move on. As maybe selfish and unreasonable and contradictory as this sounds I feel that I am unable to move on due to the fact that he has not contacted me. I am struggling to accept that it seems i have been totally disgarded, although i blocked him from contacting me in two of the main ways of contact i would have thought he would have contacted me in other ways by now. Nothing. When I was with him i wasn’t happy, i felt that he was mentally abusive to me and during our relationship most of the time I acted how i felt I should act rather than how i really wanted to. I ended it not the other way around and I know I don’t want him back. But to go from a long term what I thought was committed relationship where i was a part of his family and close network of people to now completely alone is really difficult to deal with. Just to receive a short email from him saying hello, i hope that you are well, i am sorry that it did not work out between us and anything that I did to contribute to that – would help with my internal unease. X I have just re read this message before sending it and i can see that it is full of contradictions and mixed messages, i guess i’m confused. But i’m sure i don’t want a useless man in my life. X

    • #16470
      Anonymous
      Inactive

      Hi,

      Sending you hugs, it sounds like you really have had a bad time. We all make mistakes and I personally think you would not be human if you did not miss your ex a bit. You slipped up and you realised and you have been honest with him and said so. One mistake is not the end of the world. While he is blaming you and calling you nasty he doesn’t have to look at himself or his behaviour, this is not your fault. If you don’t want to meet him try not to let him pressure you into going. Do what you feel is right for you.I hope you are feeling a little better than when you posted this x

    • #16473
      Booboobeedoo
      Participant

      Thanks for the thoughtful replies ladies!! My ex has made tonnes of effort to contact me, he got in touch with my best friend, turned up at work, emailed of 3 different addresses, but us disrespectful as I asked him not to, he has apologised but then that was weeks after I left and get still stands by why he acted that way and he listed every little argument I’ve ever had with anyone else (even before I was with him) saying I could forgive those but not him. But the trust has been broken. Yes, I did get the lovely letter detailing every single thing he misses and how he’d take full responsibility… But I also got told he’s not 100 % to blame, and his contact would often turn nasty when he didn’t get me to cave in, sounds more like getting stalked to me, he didn’t even respect the fact I wanted to be left alone!!! I asked so nicely every time. He’s jekyll and Hyde!!! So I’m not falling for it because, the things he said to me and the fact it took weeks to realise I wasn’t messing around and I was gone, he only then was sorry. I miss the time before all this damage was done, but even then there were subtle put downs and massive arguments over the littlest thing, which was always my fault!!! There could be no reconciliation because too much damage is done and he still pushed me… Surely it would get worse???

      • #16479
        Anonymous
        Inactive

        Hi, yes it could get worse, that push can escalate to so much more. I think the fact that you are out now means you quite possibly have saved yourself from things getting worse. Although you may have have your hands full trying to get him to accept it is over. Not taking responsibility and Jekyll and Hyde personality seems to feature a lot on these boards there has to be something in that. Stay strong x

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