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Haven’t been on for while as I think I was consumed with blind hope that we could sort things out (even though I knew that was probably not possible with a man like him).
I moved out a while back and it’s been great being out on my own and not living with him. I am so glad I managed to make that first step away from him.
We tried couples counselling, I have no idea why I did this as I knew it wouldn’t work and so many people have posted here on how with abusive men it does not work. I can totally see that now I just think I was desperately trying everything to save my marriage and found it hard to face the fact that I have to give up on my marriage. The counsellor has been amazing and currently been trying to get my side heard, the (detail removed by Moderator) years of emotional and verbal abuse that caused me to move out of the family home. But of course my husband cannot take it and says that the counselling it all about saying how much of a bad person he is and how good I am. The counsellor isn’t good and we just do the same thing every week. He’s been pressuring me to just MAKE A DECISION do you want to be with me or not. And to me this whole time isn’t about whether I want to be with him its his BEHAVIOUR I can’t be with.
Anyway yesterday something finally gave in me… we share custody and every time my son leaves my husband is upset and then takes the whole thing out on me. Every time I can almost set my watch by it he phones…it starts with anger fulled by something I have said (nothing bad usually)..then the insults…then threatening me about money… same every time, nasty controlling not getting his way. And I have just had enough. Every thing I do is wrong, if I end up ending it I have just “run out on the marriage” no thought for his behaviour. If i keep trying then I am keeping him hanging, torturing him…
So now it’s divorce I feel ready to do this (I think!). He is very controlling, he has all the money locked away in trusts and a lot of it I have nothing… I cannot afford to support myself and my son. I do have a good lawyer lined up and I just keep telling myself take a big breath end this now. And somehow to have faith that I will get through. My job also ends in (detail removed by Moderator) (I am freelance) so I am also facing no income and totally relying on what he currently puts in our joint account which will fund the place I am renting. But he has threatened me before about money how I won’t get a thing and how its my problem he will do child support thats it.
I feel like this is the final battle to be free. Sending love to all of you out there going through hard times. xx
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Hey lilaclady…..go see your solicitor. I’d also advise getting as much financial information as you can. Your income, his income, all bank accounts, savings, investments, pensions. Cars, property, loans, credit cards. All of this is taken into account for a financial agreement/settlement in divorce. In my experience it’s better if you can get as much info as poss prior to bringing up solicitors and divorce, you see…. these men have a habit of dragging things out, delaying things. They like to hide assets for example.
And he can’t just cut off money at the drop of a hat or the mention of divorce.
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Hi Lilacady,
Stay strong, your ex sounds a lot like mine and for me the abuse got a hell of a lot worse once I was gone. The money was withheld every month and I had to practically beg him.
If you can try and get a lawyer asap to draft up a mintute of agreeement which will set out access and money before you get divorced as divorce can take a long time. At least then a standard order can be made to you. My ex husband never stuck to a order but at least it’s in place. Although this all takes time and courage from you too xx good luck -
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