Finally did it…

[WeKeepGoing]

It feels odd to share a “positive moment” on what is arguably one of the bleakest days of my life.

After separating from my partner a few months ago and doing a non-complaint so that we could resolve things amicably (it has become increasingly clear from his ongoing behaviour towards me – even after the relationship ended –  that we cannot), (timeframe removed by Moderator), I finally gave a full statement to the police.

I have been advised so many times by so many people – by doctors, by helplines and support services, by colleagues, safeguarding services and friends – to report him, but I was always too scared of “making things worse”.

(timeframe removed by Moderator), I spent 6 hours in a police station. I am mentally, physically, and emotionally drained – but I somehow feel that a great weight has been lifted. I have finally disclosed all of his behaviour, and I am proud of myself. I feel that I have taken a small step back towards who I used to be.

I don’t know what the outcomes of the investigation will be. I am sure there will be challenges and more dark days to follow, but reading the posts in this forum made me realise that his behaviour wasn’t okay, that it couldn’t go on, and that I needed to have the courage to do something about it.

So, to all the survivors here – thank you, and I hope you find the courage you need too, if you haven’t already.

No matter what, we keep going x

[Sunflower1]

Wow well done! I still haven’t done this as like you I feel like it would make everything 10 x worse but I think that I will get pushed to this point too as it’s not ok, the continued abuse after leaving, living in fear will not stop until they see we are not going to put up with it. Wishing you all the best for the future and one day I might be as brave as you x

[WeKeepGoing]

Thanks Sunflower1.

Honestly, I suppose I was being brave – but at the time I just felt like I’d reached my breaking point. I felt like nothing was going to change and the abuse was never going to end. I still feel like that a bit at times, but I have to hope that someone I’ve spoken to can help me. If I don’t, I may as well give up, and I’m not willing to do that. I have a daughter. I have to be strong for her. I have to change this situation for her as much as for me.

You are absolutely as brave as me. I think maybe we need to be brave to have even put up with the abuse for so long in the first place. I keep telling myself that trying my hardest, even with an abusive partner, was a sign of strength and not weakness.

If you need to speak to the police – please don’t be afraid. My partner told me multiple times to “call the police”. I don’t think he ever really thought I’d do it. I don’t think he thought anything he did was even wrong, which is why I felt I had to report him in the end. He won’t ever change if he doesn’t see the problem in the first place.

If it helps, the officer I spoke to was absolutely lovely and listened non-judgementally for hours while I explained what had been happening. I feel like she understood and believed me, which was so refreshing after years of dealing with my coercively controlling partner who often appears “perfect” to the outside world. It was an exhausting experience, but it is helping me now to know that he is finally being investigated for his behaviours.

I really hope you’re doing okay. Please keep coming to this forum and speaking to people. It is certainly helping me a lot to speak to strong women like you in similar situations – you are the only people who truly “get it”.

WeKeepGoing x

[Sunflower1]

Thank you, I think I am reaching that breaking point, I don’t know what else I can do, being reasonable isn’t helping as nothing is ever good enough. The way he is behaving is so volatile and he will swing from calling me all the names under the sun to asking for a favour or to borrow money. He is taking no responsibility at all, can’t see how his actions were and still are abusive and honestly I think the people around him are agreeing with him. I don’t know what else I can do anymore except go to the police and tell them everything, or leave the home we have built and start somewhere far away with zero contact. I have run out of options other than this because it just doesn’t end.

[Sunflower1]

Can I ask what happened to him once you’d been?

[Author]

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