7th May 2021 at 9:44 am #125635
Hello you amazingly strong women. Finally escaped after many years. He’s still dodging courts, yawn! He’s put me and daughter through hell since we left but we are free!!! As we had to sofa surf for (detail removed by Moderator) months we hadn’t anywhere to put our belongings, not that he allowed us to collect them! We grabbed what we could whilst petrified. It’s a few years now and I can’t see anyway that we can collect our belongings. Police can’t help, solicitor can’t help. I don’t care about material things but there’s certain things I can’t stop thinking about. My name is still on the deeds but he took my keys off me. I’m scared to knock on the door and don’t want to fuel his control by letting him know I want my things. My step sons have believed his lies so they don’t care nor will not help. I’ve never done them wrong, in fact the opposite. They’ve also been disgusting. It’s great to get away from that life but I’m still not free!
7th May 2021 at 10:51 am #125638beachhutParticipant
Sorry to hear of your situation, and know what it is like to leave your home and belongings, I did manage to persuade him to let a friend collect my private things for me but left the rest and had to start again. If you still have and interest in the house he is living in, it may be worth contacting Citizens Advice for some help, as you may be able to go onto the property if it is owned partly by you to collect what you want, you cannot burgle your own property and if you can prove ownership not steal your own property. It would be worth exploring this option and perhaps getting the help of a solicitor to write to him to if you wanted to do that.Hope this is of some help.
Take care of you, beachhutXx
7th May 2021 at 11:41 am #125643
Thank you beachhut.
Awkward is not a strong enough word to describe him. I’ve given up trying to communicate with him, he enjoys the control. I will try CAB. He’s had a smear campaign against me so all family/friends have desserted us. These are people I’ve only ever loved and cared for, for years. It’s unreal how cruel he’s been. It’s become so clear now the games he’s played for years that I was blind to. Thanks again, take care X
22nd May 2021 at 7:33 pm #126199CamelParticipant
What court is he dodging? Divorce court?
There is so much more to worry about than belongings.
He made you and your daughter homeless. You can’t get into a property that you part own. It doesn’t actually matter whether you are married or not. His actions are illegal.
You say it’s been years? Speak to your solicitor urgently and start proceedings to protect and divide your shared assets. Be clear about what you want. ‘Dodging court’ is also illegal and a judge would take a very dim view of this.
Once you’ve got the legal ball rolling you can think about getting hold of your things, if you think it’s really worth the aggravation. But if it’s been years, what are the chances they’ll still be there? What condition will they be in? Ask yourself why these belongings matter so much and whether having them back will honestly make you happier.
You owe it you and your daughter to cut all ties with this awful man and his family. You can’t properly move forward until then.
7th June 2021 at 3:08 pm #126813
Hi Camel, he’s dodging divorce court and a financial remedy. It’s taken me (detail removed by Moderator) yrs to get him to engage. He finally instructed a solicitor after being threatened with prison by the courts.
Our belongings are very important to us as we’ve lost much already. Daughters sport trophies, photographs all things you can’t get back. It will all still be there so he can try and use it. Thank you for the advice.
30th June 2021 at 4:23 am #127962CamelParticipant
It does seem that you’ve been badly let down by your solicitor. They have done almost nothing and meanwhile you’ve been barred from the property, been homeless and penniless. It’s shocking that they’ve allowed the situation to drift this long. You will have signed some sort of contract I imagine. Check to see what it says about timescales. They have to be reasonable. If you’ve paid up front, how much? If you’re paying after the settlement, what’s been agreed? Again, costs must be fair and dependent on good service.
Consult another solicitor, preferably one experienced in abuse cases. Find out your rights, timescales and possible penalties against your husband.
There’s also legal things that can be done regarding your personal property but you need to go the non-legal route first. This means sending him a letter listing exactly what you want and how you want to get them – they could be mailed to you, for example. State he has 14 days to reply. Tell him how you want him to respond e.g in writing (to a safe address) or by email. Send it recorded, signed for. Keep a copy. If he doesn’t respond then you can go the legal route. I know you don’t want to give him control by letting him know you want certain belongings. But he already has control. And it will be to your advantage if he refuses to reply/return your things. It shows a pattern of abusive and unreasonable behaviour (alongside making you homeless, taking your key, refusing to engage in the divorce and division of assets) which the judge should be made aware of.
There are laws to protect your rights. And laws to force your husband to respond to the court. You need a solicitor who’ll make things happen.
30th June 2021 at 6:36 am #127964Grey RockParticipant
Hi. Sorry you’re in this situation. I was the same and never got my stuff back. I personally decided to stay safe and not poke the bear. I got some help getting essential items when I was rehomed. Partly through women’s aid and also through another charitable trust that women’s aid put me in touch with. It’s worth chatting to them and finding out what you might be able to apply for. I do work full time but was left financially bereft after (detail removed by moderator) years of moving around temp accomodation after leaving so help was available. You may be surprised what you can apply for. This initially felt like he had ‘won’ in some way but the feeling of starting afresh despite him and knowing that there are actually lots more compassionate people and organisations out there than bad left me the winner. It restored some of my faith in humanity which was worth more than any of my old stuff. Even the things that had more of an emotional attachment.
30th June 2021 at 6:44 am #127966Grey RockParticipant
You can search for grants to apply for on the turn2us website (turn2us.org.uk I think). It searches by location, age, profession etc.
5th September 2021 at 10:13 am #131062
Grey Rock and Camel. Thanks very much for your responding, sorry I’m only just getting to say this it’s been hard. I will look into all you’ve said. Thanks again!
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