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    • #48455
      endoftherainbow
      Participant

      Hello, im new on here, looking forward to speaking to people that understand, family and friends can be great, but I think that unless you have been through something, its hard to totally understand. I was with my husband a long time, finally left for good, got a new flat, started divorcee proceedings, and the proud owner of a  (detail removed by moderator) Restraining Order!! I finally reported him, and the no contact has been amazing, for the fist time in years, I can look at a txt or answer my phone without fear. But its strange, im struggling more now than when I first left, regret and sadness all the time, so angry with myself for staying, its affected me and my children so much, some days I feel like I will explode with the feelings inside, I don’t feel like I can talk to my family about it, I think they will think im daft and should just get on with things. I have nightmares most night, carnt seen to stop thinking of all the terrible things he did, its like im reliving the last (detail removed by moderator) years! I don’t seem to be able to get rid of the feeling. Anyway, looking forward to speaking to you all x

    • #48458
      KIP.
      Participant

      Hello and welcome and very well done (detail removed by moderator). No one realises how hard it is to get that. I think you need some really good counselling. I can tell you the first two years away was worse than any two I spent being abused. That’s because of the cycle of abuse, at least I got a break when he was love bombing me (google cycle of abuse). When he was arrested my mind went crazy. I had space to register the awful things he did to me and how dangerous he really was. When with my abuser, I was in survival mode and has no head space left to recognise this. So I’ve had the flashbacks, nightmares, brain chatter and what helped was talking it through. Contact your local women’s aid or your GP and get some really good counselling. If you can afford it, I went private as I was badly let down by NHS. Anyway, welcome and keep posting. You’ve found a site full of supportive women x

    • #48491
      endoftherainbow
      Participant

      Hello, thanks for the reply, im going to go see my GP, going to see about counselling, I understand about the survival mode, think iv been so used to locking everything away, now I have the time and space to think about things, its become a bit to much to manage,…..thank you xx

    • #48525
      Ayanna
      Participant

      You seem to have posttraumatic stress. This is very normal after abuse.
      Your brain is still in overdrive and does not know how to process all the negative emotions that you had during the abuse.
      Try to get counselling and do nice things on a daily basis.
      Look after yourself well.
      You have been very strong and you achieved a lot.

      But the trauma is with you and it takes time to deal with it. It does not just go away as family and friends like to think.
      The longer you were exposed to abuse the longer it takes.
      The divorce might be traumatic too.

      When I think that I will explode soon I go to the park and scream it all out.

      Keep fighting and be patient with yourself. Do not be angry at yourself. We all stay because at first we do not realise what happens and then we are trapped by circumstances and belief systems.
      You are out and you saved yourself and the kids. This is what counts. You have done great and you are a true warrior queen.

      Keep posting here!

    • #48571
      endoftherainbow
      Participant

      So today was a good day…..I left the house with dishes in the sink, beds unmade, and actual DUST in my lounge….the sky didn’t fall in, the world didn’t come to an end…and most importantly, I didn’t suffer any abuse….I have to admit I came home and quickly tidied every thing up, but baby steps! Also went to my GP, she diagnosed PTSD and has given me medication….. the sun is shining and so am I xxxx

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