Finally had the courage to say no more!

[Anonymous]

I’ve been with my husband for (removed by moderator) years and the nest part of 10 years has been him controlling me. I always thought I was me, I was the problem, I was a bad wife..I would get questioned about everything I did (even though my life is literally work and our children!) He would check my phone, social media etc, track me and accuse me of all sorts. The last few months have been unbearable! So much so I even thought about ending my life as I couldn’t see away out,or a way to make him happy!
I was and still am experiencing anxiety attacks, not sleeping or eating. I feel so guilty and confused what if I’ve got it all wrong. Even now my husband asked why am I like this?? When we are separating, shouldn’t I be relieved…I’ve just feel mentally drained.
I’m struggling to concentrate, I feel disconnected from everything, I have so much going round in my head that I can’t understand how it has come to this???
After looking online I’ve realised maybe i had bad anxiety for a good number of years and didn’t know. It’s only now it feels uncontrollable. I suffer with sleep paralysis regularly and (details removed by moderator). Maybe this is to do with stress, but this has gone on for year! I also bruise my legs which I want aware of until now.

My husband still is in denial and wants to understand why this has happened. I tell him, but he just doesnt get it or he’ll apologise for his actions but then still question why we are separating?? Seem to be going round in circles and I honestly think he doesn’t get it at all. He said he will get counselling.
I just keep getting how he’s lost everything etc. I’ve told him I’ve lost everything too! The family life I always wanted, but he doesnt seemed think I’m hurting too!

[Pastlife]

Dear Blossom3

Well done, please continue to separate, even though you feel unwell and stressed out. Your energy and determination is being used up to separate from your husband but in time it will return to you and it will all be worth it. This is how controlling people work, they take away your energy and confidence so that you become dependent upon them. It is a downward spiral. To remove yourself from the spiral is really hard and it takes courage and willpower. Promise yourself that your life is more important than his because he has no regard for it. Believe in yourself. Much love xx

[Cecile]

Counselling doesn’t work with these men. Don’t fall for that one. You are doing the right thing. The single most important thing you can do for you, and your children, is to put yourself first, mentally, physically and emotionally. You have probably been trained to spend years putting everyone’s needs before yours, especially his. Your individuality, emotions and needs will have been denied and wiped out by him. See yourself as a person with needs and that you are a very important person. Keep a journal. Write a list of all the bad things he has done and refer to it when you start to feel pulled back to him or feel guilty, because you will. Write down that you are in a state because of him, and describe it in writing. How would you fell if this was done to your best friend or mother or daughter? That’s how bad it is for you.
Keep posting, you are doing good by coming here, and best wishes.🙂

[Author]

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