Finally leaving and scared. Any words of encouragement?

[Anonymous]

Hello lovely women,

I wanted to say thank you for all your responses to me over the past months. It’s helped so much to allow me to make choices and come to a place where I’m ready to leave.

Right now – All the crazy making stops are being pulled whilst in the midst of leaving. Feeling a bit all over the place and would really like a few words of encouragement to go through with it.

I caught my partner recording me at my worst (feeling hyper emotional and reactive to his abuse). I confronted him when I saw his phone and he told me he thought I knew he was recording and made me seem unreasonable for finding it a problem…

Has anyone else experienced this level of crazy making behaviour? Why do I feel like he will somehow use this to paint me as the I’ve emotional hysterical person he describes me as?

I’m so done with this.

[Anonymous]

Unfortunately I have yes , in my case I was (detail removed by moderator) at the time , (detail removed by moderator) and he recorded me as I was apparently being abusive to him and he recorded it without my knowledge, but told me that I knew he had done it , no I never . I think mine was to blackmail me for money or something, he did delete the recording, I was horrified, it was a video to be honest . Who does these sick vile things ? It is used as a purpose to scare you I think to back off , puts them in the right and with power and control .

[Twisted Sister]

There are rarely what one would describe a ‘perfect victim’, abusers make a relationship very messy and the whole dynamic becomes abusive. However, the professionals know how to pick out abuser from abused based on key facts, well, the information is there, but I guess its not always used.

Any recordings have to pass strict criteria to be usable evidence. Its possible that being filmed in your own home whilst you are denying consent, is potentially inadmissable, but it would be best to check with police?

Remember all those crucifying situations and abuses that brought you to this place, that he pushed you to, of being forced out by him as you have no other options left. He’s not going to change, and you’re at risk.

Hold tight, and keep that courage of your convictions, you know your truth, you know you are doing what you’ve weighed up and decided is right for you. We’re all with you on this, stay safe x

warmest wishes

ts

[Anonymous]

Thank you for your reassurance and warm wishes. Thankfully it’s not a situation where it could be used like that. I don’t think I’ve reacted in ways detrimental to my legal position? For a lack of a better phrase. It feels more like a way for him to show how “overly emotional”/hysterical I am. He’d been pushing me for hours telling me what I could and couldn’t do after I leave around areas I can/can’t live based on his emotional needs (even though I’m already in a bad situation and probably couch surfing for the next 3 months) and how “generous” he’d been to me after putting me through the wringer. At this point I’m having to leave my city, try explain to work that I can wfh and remotely find a new place to live.

It just feels humiliating and scary for someone to be trying to do this in such a sensitive and private moment.

[Twisted Sister]

hi, and yes, certainly scarey,its such a tough time whilst you go through this partof it. Its all tough, but theres a lot of anxiety around this bit, and necessarily so. Do all you can to block his voice and words from your head, like you will be blocking him physiclly from your life, block him psychologically and emotionally. Above all, keep yourself safe, and every strength to you for your move away xx

[Watersprite]

YES! Shortly before we left but I don’t know why. I was sharing some good news with a family member he was feeling left out because he wasn’t pleased with the news but was videoing us !?!
The most important thing now is focus on you getting you out safely. Abusers are unpredictable leaving is the most dangerous time so plan it safely and reach out for support.
Your head is likely very full but your intention sounds firm it takes a lot to get this far. Keep going – don’t look back. Gather support around you and keep posting x*x

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