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    • #75450

      Leaving with nothing, apart from child and the clothes we stood up in – x years ago.

      Various deceits from ex, economic abuse in the extreme, including him taking all the money out of the joint bank account when we were still married, so that even if I wanted to leave there was nowhere to go because I didn’t have the deposit for rental and no benefits as still married to him.

      He had always drummed it into me that I was hopeless with money. We hardly ever went out. He never suggested breaks or holidays, or babystiters to give me a night out. Never gave me even a hug for x years.

      As far as I was concerned, looking back, for him I was a domestic slave, the amount of cooking and scrimping and saving I did, so in fact I saved the household so much money in those terms. Aside from child care obviously. And still, in the divorce he tried to finish me off by arguing that I had never been the primary carer for my child…

      I was incredibly depressed yesterday. Had upset someone – who I perceived as a controlling person – and the papers from my PIP appeal had just arrived with the x*x and the stupid statements that I did not deserve disablity bneefits anymore, even though the medical evidence shows otherwise, it was so hard.

      But I pushed myself to copy the whole lot and send it to case worker who is helping me, so that I didn’t sit there with it on my own.

      It was really hard.

      And then there seemed to be some good news that I can’t yet believe.

      Part of my depression had been an unfair divorce settlement, after leaving I was so emotionally exhausted I couldn’t face yet another rcourt hearing and so decided to settle with half the house in a number of years. At the time the barrister said – I would get something more decent if I went to a contested hearing, but I was too exhausted to do that.

      So, in the past few years I have struggled with a pre teen and then a teen – doing what I had always done scrimping and saving…making do with little and making the most of it…

      Yesterday I chased up a pension that I understood was worth around 600 quid only. Speaking to the person on the phone I reaslied that they seemed to be saying being the age I am – I would get a small sum monthly for the rest of my life.

      What they describe as small sum monthly is not small to us. I felt as though it was some sort of a warm blanket finally, because this money (at present) – is not within my ex’s control. Neither is it something that can potentially be cut by the government. It is enough to pay our rent, so that awful feeling that I always had about being in a place where I couldn’t afford essentials for my and young person has suddenlty started to disapper from my shoulders.

      Anyone understand this? I am working my way through it in my head and actually sat down today to manage all the bills/household expenses and started to say to myself – for the first time since I was with ex…do you know what lady? Maybe in actual fact you are good with money….

      thanks for reading this, and sharing anything you might like to.

      I was originally going to put this under women over 50 but I’ve put it under general as all these issues are so relevant to anything to do with economics of abuse which I know is a hot topic with WA because of the research report etc

      and, also – whatever age we are, securing a better financial future is so important for all of us, and our children eh

      I know this is a small amount for many people…but it meant the world to me yesterday…

      all best
      ftc
      x

    • #75454
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Ftc that is great news, my oh also says I’m hopeless with money. Yet before him i budgeted, never spent outwith my means. Now, I rob Peter to pay Paul, why because he’s hopeless with money. He spends like there’s no tomorrow, but when he’s short it’s always my fault. I was always in and over my overdraft, I’d always give him a loan of money as he’d say I’ll give you it back but I never got it. And god forbid i’d ask for it after the hundreds of pounds he’d spent on me. I’m now growing a nice leaving fund. I want it to be fairly substantial, not just a few thousand and I see it getting there.
      So once again I’m so very happy that you’ve had this news, karma is a wonderful thing. And the best bit is he’s got no control over what you get😄😄
      IWMB 💕💕

    • #75468

      thought it was too good to be true.
      the paperwork has come through, it is not 15- a week but 10
      nevertheless some other good news
      ftc
      x

    • #75517
      LozzyX
      Participant

      That’s fantastic news FTC.
      I suffered financial abuse and I am looking forward to being able to save and be in control of my own money again. I can imagine the relief you must have felt… It is horrible when in financial strife for years… The anxiety and stress.. and yet I don’t even have any dependent children to look after ..but it still got me down. And o can also relate to the lack of holidays etc… I cannot wait to be able to save and go on a holiday again! I used to love travelling
      .. can’t believe I lost that part of me whilst I was with him… Besides a lot more …

      So yes I can totally relate to where you coming from and what this must mean for you and your family. So nice to hear positive stories of life after abuse… Gives us so much hope. Thank you for sharing x

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