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    • #90335
      hop
      Participant

      I’m having emdr therapy for trauma and it’s messing me up so much. I am finding it really hard to consider any of what he did a problem let alone a crime. I don’t feel like it deserves all the fuss that’s happening. Now I’m getting really bad sensations on different places on my body than I’m not used to. I don’t know how to keep dealing with this you know. I didn’t realise that these memories and things like that would get so out of control.
      I feel like I want to hurt myself. Im not coping well at all. I’m seeing the therapist on Wednesday I think it’s because I didn’t come across so well and I was rubbish at it today. I do need the extra support I’m so in denial and I really comprehend how this has all blown out of proportion like this. I feel terrible. I feel like denying it is quite strong because it’s more I just don’t know how to agree with them. This happened a long time ago I don’t know how to deal with it every day

    • #90340
      Hetty
      Participant

      While any therapy is a hard thing to do it doesn’t sound, from what you say, that this approach right now is benefiting you. Have you ever spoken to your local domestic abuse organisation. I felt a lot of shame reaching out but it has helped me gain perspective (although I’m not out of the woods yet). It’s sounds like you’re still working through in your own mind your personal experiences, they might be able to help you make sense of your story.
      It’s important your EMDR therapist knows exactly how you’re feeling. It’s not because you’re rubbish at it, rather this perhaps is just not what would be most helpful. Or maybe your therapist hasn’t done enough of the safety work before starting this with you.
      Reach out to the crisis team, Samaritans or a trusted person in your life if you’re feeling overwhelmed. You don’t deserve to be hurting x

    • #90342
      hop
      Participant

      She told me today that instead of thinking of it as a crime or even in terms of what it is that’s happened I should just look at how bad I’m feeling now and how it’s affecting me now and just look at it on that level. Then it’s like I’m working on a current problem or something. She said if we try that for a bit and see if it helps me feel any different.
      I’m meant to be starting a group for women who’ve been in similar situations. I just don’t feel like I’ll fit on with those other people. I just feel like it’s an overreaction. I need something that will help me get over this quicker. I just need it to be over and I’m totally freaking out because reliving it is worse than I remember it was living it. Thinking of how this traumatic memory is evolving is making me cry I don’t think I can ever say it face to face. It knocks me sick and I don’t want to hear her pity because I started with something that I didn’t think was that bad and in my own mind this other stuff I’d consider quite bad if someone else told me it happened to them. I feel like I’m exaggerating because I can’t believe it but I am having these physical sensations and horrible flashes of memories. I used to get the feelings a lot but never knew why.

    • #90346
      KIP.
      Participant

      What helped me was learning about trauma. The Body Keeps The Score is a good book. Perhaps get your therapist to explain from the beginning what happens when we hold onto trauma. Your body is responding to the the trauma you suffered because it holds onto it until we face and process it. Processing it is painful and distressing but hopefully facing it will take away the damage that the trauma does. If it’s too distressing, you might want to give it more time in dealing with the symptoms. Mindfulness. Exercise. Self care etc. There are lots of therapies out there. Try another softer one meantime. The confusion you feel is normal as you try to work out what exactly happened and why you reacted the way you did.

    • #90349
      KIP.
      Participant

      Google cognitive dissonance. Our brain doesn’t want to face the pain of abuse so it tricks and justifys the abuse to protect us from the shock of it all x it’s going to take time and patience to rewire your brain and thought process. Proper self care away from therapy is just as important.

    • #90361
      diymum@1
      Participant

      i know where your coming from ive dropped out off loads of counselling. i cant face having to recall everything. i just cant mainly because i still cant believe how awful someone could actually be. it feels personal but i know it isnt. its like admitting someone treated me like nothing.that hurts.and thats what i find hard to face. its maybe best to take things at baby steps take your time and find what feels right for you xxxx

    • #90365
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Ditto. I pulled out of trauma therapy after the first session. This is absolutely not working for me and never will. I am very content with superficial CBT treatment, staying focused on my well-being is all I can handle, there is so much to learn anyway about self-care, boundaries, what’s important to myself, how to deal with depression and anxiety, what it is, why recovery takes such b****y long time. The positive is that the therapist doesn’t need to be versed on domestic abuse, anyways if I ever need advice on that topic I would go here where the knowledge is golden and I can trust, I won’t seek any answers from a therapist who hasn’t even been abused, that’s insulting to my experience.
      At least I can see the little benefits and rewards of CBT, whereas attempting to talk about trauma makes me want to jump off a cliff. I take cliff jumping therapy over trauma therapy any day.
      I told my therapist I will not go through with trauma treatment and she said it isn’t necessary, as long as I function in my everyday life, which I make sure I do so I won’t have to talk, so I am in therapy for depression and anxiety treatment nothing more.

      Choose a therapy that makes you feel comfortable and safe not worse. Wanting to hurt yourself is not safe for you. You deserve to feel good and empowered by your therapy.

    • #90370
      hop
      Participant

      I understand what you’re saying but I can’t live with this. If I engage well and get through it my life can move on. I can’t bear the thought of him always having something over me, especially when I’m vulnerable. For me if I don’t do it now I’m putting up with feeling awful for longer. I get sensations all over my body and have terrible nightmares that are taking over my life. The only way I’m coping at all is knowing that he’ll never be able to hurt me again. He’s not physically near me any more but I need the emotional scars to heal and this is the only way I can without going insane.

    • #90372
      HopeLifeJoy
      Participant

      Yes I understand, I can hear you are eager to move on and your motivation is highly important and you will succeed in processing your trauma.
      Please ask your therapist how to keep safe though when those intruding feelings are taking over your body. She will know about grounding techniques to help you. Guided meditations or breathing exercises for example.
      When I had my nightmares coupled with insomnia, I went straight to my GP who gave me strong sleeping pills, they helped me enormously to calm down, regaining my rest, reduced my anxiety during the day.
      Once your nightmares are less frightening and not taking over your life you can start talking with your therapist about ways to deal with them without pills. As in acknowledging who’s there and your every right to tell this person to go away.
      You are courageous to want to work through your trauma, you will get there, take it slow and keep safe.

    • #90378
      Escapee
      Participant

      Hi Freedonfries01,

      I can’t bring myself to talk about my experiences, my therapist talked about the Elephant in the room and I felt calling it an elephant felt like the experience was too big, so I now have 100 mice. I let one out at a time. I was told about reframing the memory – because that’s all is now, just a memory – so I’ve chosen to use an eraser and rub the image out and then shred the paper it was on – I have to go through this process several times but it is helping. I had one image that I hated and using this method has soften the image so much it no longer affects me physically. They are your images so choose what works for you…..change the scene, make him into a evil fairy you can swot away! Change the memory and it fades.

      I hope this helps.
      Xxxx

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