Finding out your mum is in favour of my ex (my daughters abuser)

[Indianocean]

Hi,

I need some advice/guidance and positivity from people who may have or are going through what I am.

Me and my daughter (detail removed by moderator) have successfully been housed by our local council, on our own, and finally we feel at peace. I caught my ex partner in bed with (detail removed by moderator). . I don’t want to go into that, but was arrested in the charge of rape. He is out on bail, but he has starting to try and contact me and my mum. My mum has been on the phone pleading with me to drop the case as she doesn’t want him going to jail.

I have two older daughters who are (detail removed by moderator) and if the found out that my mum is wanting to spare him jail then there is going to be a massive family feud which most likely won’t repair. What he has put me through has been bad enough, but to start contacting my mum is even worse. He is also sending me text messages asking for money because he has lost his job (again).

I don’t know what else to do, I’ve taken today off from work because I feel stressed and have no one to talk to. We have a new start here but I feel like he is going to ruin our future as I can’t quite cut his tie of neediness.

[Emptybutfree]

What he seems to be doing here will be (in his eyes) quite crafty.
If he is out on bail he will have instructions not to contact you (and your daughter) directly or indirectly, which he is, therefore he’s in breach of his bail conditions.

He seems to have manipulated you and your daughter already and now his last glimmer of hope is your mum.

These people are very good at looking like the ‘nice guy’ or believe they deserve some sort of compassion – they do not.

If his behaviour went unnoticed then I’m sure it would of carried on and I really feel for you and your daughter. Because he has been caught he will be trying to exhaust any option he has, it is clear that is exactly what he is doing.

My advice would be to speak to your mum, tell her your fears and ask her to respect your wishes.

Contact the police ASAP and let them know what is going on.

Do not be manipulated in to making a decision you do not want to make.

I really hope you’re ok xx

[Indianocean]

Thank you for your reply. I will do what has been advised, but I’m feeling pretty low right now. I gsfr my statement to the police and so has my daughter, we are being well looked after. But the investigation is still ongoing and while he is out roaming the streets I have regressed to being a hermit and locking the doors all day. My daughter doesn’t know he has been in contact with my mum. I think that would destroy her if she knew. The thing is, he made sure I dropped all of my old friends when I met him. So I haven’t got anyone to reach out to, only my mum.

[Living Warrior]

I agree with advice already given, I also would keep evidence of any breach, eg messages etc and forward them onto police (keep a copy for yourself too, as these things tend to get lost or misplaced.

As it is a criminal matter you may have been given a number of the “witness care team” of police officers, these will deal with any issues you are having while the case is being sorted out, if you have contact them, i ended up with other court orders on top of those put in place due to my exs lack of respect for the law, if you havnt got these numbers chase it up with your local station as they should have given you a person to contact in case of any intimidation etc.

i hope things get better for you, stay safe & stay strong.

[Grey Rock]

Please do reconnect with your old friends as well. You may be surprised at how pleased they are to hear from you.

GR

[Author]

Posts