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So I am quite far into my recovery journey. The anger and sadness have faded, I can see things now as they really were, I.e. the good times were a mirage, and on balance it was not a good relationship for me, nor one I deserved. The thing I am trying to conclude is accepting that I will never understand the mindset of an abuser. I honestly cannot see how a person can treat others like that without a second thought, no matter how much I try and see things from their perspective. I will reach a point where it will no longer matter but it is quite difficult to get your head around.
But each day it gets easier and some days I feel happy and optimistic. There is hope x
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This is encouraging to hear. Thank you for sharing. Can you share what helped you in your journey. I am with you on wondering how deliberate the behaviours were with my husband, how could he have done some of the things he did to someone he professed to love (and deep down I believe he did), but I suppose you can never get inside someone’s head.
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Really glad you far in you recovery @Texas . It’s good to hear how people have managed to move away from their horrible partners and their terrifying life . I so happy you managed to get away from that turmoil. I wish nothing but the best for you . It takes strength to get away from these situations so I hope your proud of yourself. Take care.
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@Bulbssprouting happy to share but each person’s journey will be unique but hopefully you will find something amongst what I did that will help you.
Routine was definitely helpful. Unstructured time is not helpful as gives you time to ruminate. I also found something grounding and comforting in having a routine.
Also I went into counselling as soon as I could. I had 2 aims for counselling; come to terms with the abuse, and work on my relationship with myself. Building a good relationship with yourself is the best defence against future abuse. I am still on this journey now; learning to be my own best friend, understanding that I deserve to be treated with respect, learning to set boundaries etc.
Self care is also vital. Being kind and compassionate to yourself. Taking rest when you need to. Healthy diet. Sitting with feelings as they come and go.
Taking time to journal my thoughts and feelings was also really helpful. I have also now started to write every day the small things in life I appreciate and the things I appreciate about myself. It was hard at first but getting easier.
The fun bit is discovering what I like and enjoy. Podcasts, games, walks in the countryside. Make a list of things to try and give it a go! Little projects are also helpful – decorate a room, buy and look after a house plant 🪴
Don’t get me wrong, I am not where I want to be yet, and in all honesty this has been the most difficult experience of my life. But what I do know is that I do not want to be the same person I was before this happened. I want to be a better, stronger version of myself. And I am enjoying getting to know me!
I hope this is helpful.
@stargazing1 thank you for your good wishes 😀 -
@Texas Thank you! I’m very early in this process, so I’m grabbing all the advice I can get. One thing I have been amazed at is how helpful anonymous internet forums have been. I think they come under the same category as journaling with the added benefit of feeling that I am not just shouting out into the void, there are people out there who can encourage or gently prod me in the right direction. Some like this are focused, others more general, but female oriented. For me they have pulled me back into focus and for that I am hugely grateful.
I have just bought a blank notebook and will start writing. Xx
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