18th March 2020 at 1:05 am #99452TiffanyParticipant
How is everyone doing. I haven’t been on here much recently, but I think some of the old hands will reckognise me. I’m struggling at the moment with the immanent prospect of social isolation, and working from home (with my new partner).
Like many of us I experienced social isolation as a part of my abuse. I also switched from working in an office to working from home while I was still with my abuser, which resulted in an escalation of abuse.
Rationally I know that my current partner is not going to suddenly start abusing me. There is absolutely no evidence to suggest that he will. There is strong evidence that he will do anything he can to help me, starting with building me a greenhouse, so I feel less stuck in the house.
However, I am still organising to do all the things I swore I would never do again once I escaped. I promised myself I wouldn’t work from home, or ever be dependent on a single person for all my face to face socialising, that I would keep areas of my social life separate from my partner’s and see friends regularly. And today I set up to work from home. I have agreed with my local friends not to meet in person for the foreseeable future (a number of us, me included, are high risk). My only regular face to face contact will be my partner. And I am finding it massively triggering.
Anyone else in the same boat?
18th March 2020 at 6:40 am #99453KIP.Participant
Hi Tiffany, I’m feeling anxious too but I wonder how much of that is genuine anxiety for the current situation and it’s just reminding us of the feelings we had when we were being abused. It’s perfectly normal to be anxious in these worrying times but it sounds like you have someone who cares for you. It’s Like anxiety triggering anxiety. I’m going to set up a FaceTime meeting a couple times a week with my friends so we can have a chat without that contact. Something called zoom is a conference call app so all your friends could chat together. I also read that anxiety Is all about the future so you should ground yourself in the here an now with some mindfulness. I’m sure I’m not alone in imagining a temperature (Which is often brought in by anxiety) or a scratchy throat in the morning so I guess that’s all normal too. We just have to trust in others and that’s also not gone well for us in the past. So come back to the forum and check in with us all. It’s good to keep in touch. You’re not that abused person you once were x
19th March 2020 at 7:50 pm #99557CamelParticipant
Good to hear from you. It sounds like you have a balanced and supportive relationship now but the past is never truly buried, is it?
Instead of triggered can you see vigilant? Triggering controls us. Vigilance puts us in control.
You’ve worked d****d hard to get where you are and have learned to trust again. All power to you! And to top it off you don’t intend to be a victim again. That sounds like vigilance to me and what’s wrong with that?
The rules you wrote yourself about not working from home and not isolating obviously don’t count right now. You haven’t gone back on a promise. And if you find any red flags under the new circumstances you know how to deal with them. Trust yourself, you’re brilliant x
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