Finding the Strength to Go On

[SparkofLight1]

Hi everyone

I need some advice please. I am separated from the person who was inflicting the abuse. Following a breach of NMO, there’s a Restraining Order in place. However the abuse continues. After summoning up the courage to report to the police, it was dismissed as annoying behaviour and a non-crime. I recognise now is the time to seek specialist help in terms of legal advice from people experienced in the field and I have been giving some wonderful resources via live chat on this site which I plan to look into.

Asides from this there is also financial abuse. To sum it up, it is time for me to buckle up, get myself, my facts etc together, stand up and speak up and out for myself and my children however….

MY FEELINGS: I’m feeling weak and tired, tired of fighting (although it is not physical, I feel as though I am fighting for my life/to survive). The goal of the abuse is to wear you down and I feel he has succeeded. I am worn out. However, I have so much to do. I just want to roll over, give up and give in.

The whole situation is draining and I feel as though I have no life left in me.

I want to escape and run away from it all. I’m exhausted and worn down.

I’m used to taking flight, avoiding, ignoring or shriveling in a ball, putting it to one side and attempting to attend to daily demands. These are no longer options in this case as to do so would mean neglecting myself and my children’s wellbeing = a form of death.

MY QUESTION: How do you all find the strength to keep going?

[KIP.]

That strength it took to survive the abusive relationship I turned into the strength to use against him, in my mind I had a mantra ‘how dare he’. You di t have to do this alone. Women’s aid, a solicitor, police (talk to the domestic abuse unit and don’t be fobbed off). Breaching of any order court is an offence. I remember rollercoaster almost like the cycle of abuse. I was exhausted like you then I began to pick myself up, then I was on a high and sorting things out then I crashed again, so use the up times to crack on and when you’re feeling exhausted take a step back, I pushed back at every opportunity and if the police won’t help you then make a complaint against them. They are there to protect you. Rights for Women have a free legal helpline. Start gathering that support network around you. Abusers have stamina but so do we x

[SingleMomSurvivor]

There are certainly moments where I don’t feel very strong. In those moments I allow myself to cry, rest, & lean on the people who love & support me. Fighting back against an abuser, especially via the legal system, is a long tiring process that involves making small gains a little bit at a time. Those small gains add up to big wins & freedom from abuse. Just when I think my ex has stooped to a new low he outdoes himself with a new version of evil. Right now there’s something new every week. It’s so draining & I am exhausted. But also I’m not with him & I’m further along than I was last year.

Give yourself permission to not feel strong all the time. That’s ok and normal. And then somewhere inside of you, tap into the part that says “no more” & “never again”. That part will keep you moving forward. Not everyday has to be a “I feel strong day”, but as long as everyday is a “I will never put up with his abuse again day”, you are moving forward. ❤️

[lifecanbebeautifulhope]

This is such a wonderful advice. I feel the same…I am strong and suddenly there is a day I just can’t have the same confidence and my morale dips down. I feel like so negative. But thanks so much for reminding that we cannot be strong all the time.

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