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Today I had my first session. Im not sure how it went because it went so fast.
It did not feel like it helped very much.
She said to focus on doing good things for myself.
I need to try get back to my old self. I feel anxious and like im losing my mind.
Suggested visiting the GP but im too ashamed to tell the GP what I have been through.
I have a good family but do not open up to them as I feel im asking for sympathy.
I feel guilty for ending the relationship and breaking the family up but I know its for the right reasons. He is getting on with his life and I need to get on with mine.
I feel sick and no appetite at all. My health is not good and I need to focus on my children.
I am a walking zombie hardly getting any sleep.
How long will this last?
Mentioned my future plans/goals and this is keeping me going. -
Force feed yourself and force liquids down. When you get sustenance in your body it replenishes the brain too. I used to force a boiled egg down but I lost lots of weight before I realised what was happening. Set small tasks each day and don’t over reach. Taking on too much is setting you up to fail which spirals us even more. Everyone is different. I can tell you I’m still recovering now several years later. But to speed recovery, zero contact with your abuser. I think it takes months for the anxiety to subside. Watch out for PTSD and please speak to your GP. You have nothing to be ashamed of and they can offer extra help maybe even from the third sector. It’s also important you get your health noted and the abuse too. It may help in the long run with court and access if needed. I can tell your made a huge difference to me and my case x
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Zero contact is impossible.he still has a key to my property. The agreement is he partly pays for the kids and he dont live here but returns to get belongings and do uses the facilities in the property. I do not ring or text him or answer any of his calls. I have blocked all his friends and families phone numbers and erased them out of my life but hes still bumping into me a few times a week. Hes going to return the key once all his belongings are gone but its going to take time most probably a month. He is not abusing me no more. No shouting nothing I think hes on to his next victim and leaving me alone.
Small tasks do you mean for myself or like housework etc?
I have a very busy lifestyle and it keeps me occupied so I dont think about him.
Im no longer a pushover and firm with him when it comes to making decisions. I wont need courts.
He has no interest in the children which I was upset about but its better for them long term if he is out of their life. He is a negative influence on drugs although he denies he is on them.-
Hi there Stayorleave, im glad youre making progress, its so hard at times but everyone is so supportive on here. Could you pack his stuff up for him, then get your key back quicker. I’d change the locks too afterwards, just in case he’s had a copy key cut. You make me see that leaving is possible and i thank You for for that that.
Good luck
IWMB💕💕
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Iwmb
Yes I want my key back off him but he is dragging it out. I have packed his things up. He made it clear he is no longer interested in me. For this I am grateful but he is now taking an interest in spending time with one of the children. Splashing his money around and making himself look great to everyone. Im feeling drained like I have everything on my mind.
I really can not be bothered to put up a fight over a few belongings but really want zero contact.
Life will be easier once I have zero contact.
Its been the worst time of my life this is worse than all arguments i av ever had it just drags on. -
He’s never ever going to leave you alone. I can see in your various posts how he changes the goal posts. Lies and manipulates. Abuses the children then favours one. It’s upto you to take control when you’re ready to get him out your life and keep him out. Any contact is toxic. Money can be sorted through the proper channels so he can’t hold it over your head.
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I am nodding vigorously at the posts to change the locks. If you have already bagged his stuff he can arrange a mutually agreeable time for you both to collect things. You can let him know it will be outside the door if he arrives on time as you will not be up to having chats with him.
It is highly inappropriate once a relationship is over for the estranged partner to walk in as if it is still his home, it is not, it stopped being his home the day the relationship was over. I also allowed this, and thought that i should and that it would be unreasonable after all it was just one day after another, but no, eveerything has changed, and so should the locks!
Sending you every strength love, and the sooner he is completely shut out the better for your mental well-being. He is continuing to make you ill, despite his being gone, because he’s not truly gone whilst the door is still open.
take care of you, don’t consider him any more, its over now.
warmest wishes ts
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Keep an eye on your therapy sessions to make sure they are helpful for you, otherwise that can be truly ‘unhelpful’ and put you back.
You say that you have a good family. Well now is their time to step up and show you that ‘good’. I would be so upset if one of my children was unable to come to me with such huge struggles. I would want to help, wouldn’t they? Wouldn’t you?
It is important to let people in, to finally let go of some of the stuff you have been holding together for oh so long. Asking for help is very much part of letting go of it all, but it is also really important that you do that only when you are ready to. Don’t let guilt hold you back, you have no guilt to carry here. Hes the guilty party. He broke up the family, his abuse destroyed the family, and all you did was to make sure the abuser was out, the abuse stopped.
please don’t take his guilt, it really is his, you have to look to a new life now, separating from him.
warmest wishes ts
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I feel so down. I know I need to change the locks to lock him out but Im too weak to do it to him. He has nowhere else to keep his stuff and needs them for work and without work my children will suffer even more financially. The relationship is over he is free to do whatever he feels like doing in his own private space but I am constantly monitored in my own home. I ignore his calls that is one part of my freedom.
He asks about the children mostly but always asking about my whereabouts and I dont tell him. He leaves it at that. I was so sad yesterday I started to question myself if I had done the right thing. Today I was strong again and I know its for the best and my new life will be abuse free. Its taking time and I feel like I have a constant scared sick feeling over Him!! When I should have positive feelings. -
The relationship is over for you but definitely not for him. He still needs to be in control. Things will improve when you go zero contact and take back control of your life. I agree with twisted sister. It’s highly inappropriate for him to come and go as he pleases. There’s plenty of places he can store his stuff. Rent a storage unit. It’s manipulation. The fact that he’s still asking where you are screams red flag.
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Hi Stayorleave
I just wanted to offer you some support. You have done so well to get to this point and it is very normal to still be feeling anxious and sad, this is because he is still able to come into your property and to contact you so whilst you are nearly free of him at the moment he can still get to you. It can be so difficult to take that last step and change the locks and i know he is saying he has nowhere else to store his belongings, but this sounds like a convenient excuse to be able to come and go as he pleases. If you want some extra support you can always call the helpline for a chat on 0808 2000 247.
Take care and keep posting
Lisa
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He is telling me how sorry he is about the situation. How he wants another chance. He is willing to give me space he said.
In reality I think he wants to get back with me and him finish with me…not how I finished with him. Hes had tears after tears . Said hes ill. A death in family. He just wants me to sit here and wait around for him to come n go as he pleases and use my house as a hotel.
I feel drained and at times I feel so weak I almost give up and agree then I come to my senses and wake up and think no its just him wanting to use me and have me at his disposal.
In between al this I feel lost and depressed.
I want a healthy relationship with the old person I once met but I know this will not happen. -
I hear the strength behind your words and I recognise your exhaustion with it all.
You really crave the peace that having your own safe space will bring you, and it will, with him locked out.
He’s not your friend or he wouldn’t have treated you this way, it was hateful to you.
It also does not help him to not be able to stand on his own two feet, and he must now,he has destroyed home life and tried to destroy you.
Take heart, feel your strength and act to get your peace.
Warmest wishes ts
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