first theraputic session….

[Beautifully Broken]

I just don’t know any more! questioning everything wishing I had put up with it as stupid as it sounds. trying to place safe boundaries so I can co parent with him, this is so hard when I am still getting called names and aggressive behaviour is there in front of the boys. He keeps trying to get me alone, doesn’t like it when I walk away I just can’t risk the lies he tells. and boy the lies are so good. everything is now the systems fault now even though he as got everything he wanted even when the contact isn’t for him it’s for his parents. The abuse is never going to go away and I get that, he asked me (detail removed by moderator). I am not willing to lie to make him happy I would rather say nothing but that isn’t going to change anything either. I just don’t know what to do anymore and I feel like a worthless mother once again. The fear I had in me today was unreal, but I did it for the children and tried to keep collective always easier when children are there as that front is a must.

[diymum@1]

have you read when dad hurts mum? by lundy bancroft this is a great book in dealing with kids and protecting them in a situation where you have to co-parent with an abuser xxxx

[Beautifully Broken]

No I will have to have a look to see if I can get a copy thank you xxxx

[fizzylem]

It will go away if you put all contact through a third party; what I mean is all comms; the drop offs and picks ups – make sure he doesn’t see you or speak to you directly. Eventually out of sight usually leads to out of mind.

I have gone through this for years, I should have done it straight away, it really does affect the kids, like you say, you dont want them to be seeing him disrespecting you – that is reason enough to remove yourself completely from the arrangement.

Try to focus on the relationship you have with your children, meeting their needs and emotional needs, try to create an enviroment where they feel its always ok to talk about dad and what they do when they are with him – so that you can support them with any struggles and keep an eye on things.

If you feel they are not safe then you will need to take action hey; but in my case, removing myself from the conflict is exactly what my child needs to improve things for her / with a clear understanding re who is responsible for what and set times for his time with the boys.

Cafcas provide a parental agreement only service – you could call and ask about this without triggering anything to worry about – just find out x

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