- This topic has 6 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 month, 1 week ago by
Firsttimedivorcee.
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16th July 2024 at 8:56 pm #169886
Sad and alone
ParticipantI’ve told my GP about the DA and occasional DV. They were very good and I was in there a while. I felt sorry for whoever was in the waiting room. I had to be strict with myself about doing it. Thinking about him complaining about me to other people helped. As well as thinking how he tells me he’s only telling the truth when he’s being hurtful towards me. I was doing the same thing. They only said what I knew they’d say. They said I was brave for taking this step but I feel like a traitor. He does so much for me and works hard and I feel guilty for saying he does these things, which he does, but for someone else to say he’s wrong doesn’t feel right. If that makes sense? So good I have finally spoken about it, but I don’t know how long it will take to make the next step.
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17th July 2024 at 6:58 pm #169905
nbumblebee
ParticipantYep this does make sense we spend ao long in not seeing when others do it just doesnt sit right.
A massive well done for reaching out that was an incredable brave thing to do.
How do you feel now?
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18th July 2024 at 4:01 pm #169928
Sad and alone
ParticipantI feel good that I’ve said something. It was a first step. Easier to tell someone who doesn’t know us than tell a relative. They asked what I am ultimately wanting to do and I said I just don’t see anything changing and I can’t live the rest of my life being unhappy. He provides for me, does so much around the place, we live a simple life on all accounts but I don’t want for anything. We are secure. But as the GP said all that is material, some aspects like pets obvs mean a lot more, but am I willing to have all those things in my life and continually walk on eggshells or not know when the next time I’m going to do or say something that upsets him? I told them I worry he could hurt me if he gets angry and physical. One of the last times we argued he told me to (detail removed by moderator). He says I (detail removed by moderator) and that’s why he grabs me or whatever else. I did stay away and nothing physical happened. But as I’ve been reading, whether I “(detail removed by moderator)” or not he’s making the choice of how to react to that. And doing what he does is wrong. I said to the GP I find it very frustrating when I keep hearing the same c**p and it makes me angry.
I did feel bad but understand there is prob deep mental reasons for that. The GP says the next best step may be to get in touch with the local DA support for counselling and help me sort out a plan. It’s hard as we’re together 24/7 and he would want to know where I’m going. They suggested as he himself has said I have mental problems and (detail removed by moderator) I could say I’m attending a course of group meetings for general anxiety and depression problems and then actually go to the DA counselling. We’ll see. I have to get brave again first!-
1st January 2025 at 10:31 pm #173090
Firsttimedivorcee
ParticipantMy darling congrats! That’s amazingly brave of you. I hear you. Whilst he may be ticking all the material boxes, he’s not making you feel safe so it’s the biggest issue. Take your time, plan things out. Think things through and then initiate. I will be praying for all of you who decide to take this step.
I do remember the first time I went to the police. The anxiety of ‘will I be believed’ was making me feel like I was going to pass out. But then the guilt sets in. This guilt is how they’ve worked on you. Ultimately, if he really cares, he wouldn’t make you feel the way you are. No one wants to break up their relationship if it was a good one and to walk away from it all shows how done you actually are.
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22nd November 2024 at 1:08 am #172416
Its you not me
ParticipantHi everyone
I’m new here too and I’ve just opened up to my GP about everything
I feel so confused about it all and don’t know where to turn next or what to do for the best
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22nd November 2024 at 2:55 pm #172424
Sad and alone
ParticipantJust take your time with everything and digest what your GP has advised. If it’s the same as mine they may well have directed you to your local DA centre? You can reach out on here with any questions, lots of women with experience of everything you’re going through and feeling. Or you can message women’s aid directly. Take care of you xx
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23rd November 2024 at 2:50 pm #172447
Its you not me
ParticipantThank you and take care x
You’re welcome to pm me x
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