• This topic has 4 replies, 4 voices, and was last updated 1 year ago by KIP..
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    • #100656
      Justholdingon
      Participant

      Had really bad flashbacks of what he did to me for hours today. I’m afraid of going to sleep. I was supposed to be starting therapy this month, but the outbreak happened.

    • #100671
      fizzylem
      Participant

      Try to focus on doing things that help you to feel safe again, remove any pressures you feel in your waking day and give yourself whatever it is you need.

      Reach out and strengthen your support network – feeling supported is really important and we get this from a number of people and places. You need a team of people, the GP, WA, friends, family, the forum, victim support, the samaritians, the police, a solicitor, those that educate us, those we see for health and wellbeing, so maybe this is youtube exercise classes for now during the lockdown.

      Can your therapy commence on the phone or video call for now? I know the NHS are offering this.

      Use the internet and books to learn about what is trauma. What are flashbacks.

      The images and the emotions that come feel dreadful in the early days. Once they have passed, try to remind yourself you are here now, in a place of safety, that was then, this is now, it is different now and this will never happen again.

      The flashbacks are helping you to process what has happened, they present you with something that happened only you are now revisiting this with what you know now, as you were likely under some false illusions back then, the bubble he created to keep you in the dark, a web of lies to keep you there. This has changed now, you are able to view what happened with new insight, so what is each flashback telling you?

      Unfortunately processing flashbacks can also lead us into feeling further uncomfortable emotions, the truth can hurt, reality can bite, but it is also needed; ideally you need to get to a place where you welcome them in, because you know they are showing you something important and helpful, when we do this, they start to lose their power, because we come to know and feel more in control, we understand what this is and there is likely a valuable message for us in this flashback.

      It’s the emotions that feel awful isn’t it, as they invoke the emotions you felt at the time; sometimes they feel traumatic. If you feel overwhelmed then call someone to help with this, like the samaritians, talk it through so you can get past feeling overwhelmed, and restore the balance – this is important.

      They do lessen over time, are not so intense, feel less intrusive, the more we come to see them for what they are, ‘processing aids’, and the more we feel more back in control (by knowing what to do when they occur).

      Eventually I learned to welcome them in as they showed me so much and helped me to make sense of what had happened. It would be good to talk these through with a therapist yes, but this is not essential, anyone that can support you and give you a bit of space to do this would be helpful, you really just need to feel someone is holding your hand and helping you to make sense of it, very often this can be done when someone else simply listens x

    • #100697
      Iwantmeback
      Participant

      Hi, I believe our body only allows these flashbacks when it knows we’re strong enough to deal with them. My psychologist is doing telephone support just now, if you’ve not been contacted yet, reach out to other types of support, what I’m getting is the belief that what I’m doing is the right/normal reaction and way to heal myself. Due to living with an abuser, being told everything we do is wrong, it’s soooooo nice to have that validation.
      Love and strength IWMB

    • #100706
      Justholdingon
      Participant

      Thanks for replying. I had to jump out of bed yesterday as its where it happened (not this physical bed per se). 6am before I felt safe enough to sleep.

      I don’t want to have to process this. I don’t want to be reminded of being scared. I don’t want my lo to ask why mummy is behaving so oddly.

      Next week going to call again and ask what’s going on with support. Can’t cope with all of my feelings.

    • #100713
      KIP.
      Participant

      Perhaps speak to your GP about some temporary medication, I remember the five o’clock frights I would call them. Waking up out of bed panicking. Then slowly waking up in bed. It’s a difficult time to get through but you can do this. It sounds like PTSD so try reading what you can About it and about other survivors. Healing from Hidden Abuse. Then Body Keeps The Score. Both good books about trauma.

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